b3ta.com user the cactus kid- what a prick...
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» Pointless Experiments

Stair jumping
I always wondered whether or not jumping down the stairs wrapped in a quilt would hurt more, or a sleeping bag.

Didnt really make a blind bit of difference, after the first jump in the quilt I woke up in hospital 3 hours later with concussion...

NOTE: dont jump down stairs wrapped in things
(Thu 24th Jul 2008, 18:25, More)

» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

washing lines?
No-one who reds this will probably beleive it, but I kid you not.

on the night of my stag night we all decided to go to Amsterdam, but the place we had to rent was owned by this senile old bint who couldnt find her arse with both hands, so 5 lads wo are pissed beyond beleif are in control of a house, not a hotel room, a house, and on the last night I passed out from a martini contest and awoke feeling like an astronaut, I was in a sleeping bag, upside-down and pegged and glued to the owners washing line, only after 4 hours (no joke)was I able to wriggle to freedom, and pass out again, having cocks drawn on my face with permanet marker.

(Fri 29th Dec 2006, 11:41, More)

» School Trips

soaked in sheep spurt
I think it was about in year 10 we went on this, GSE geography was a nightmare, and the only thing worthwile about it was that we got to go on a day trip to some dozy farmers feild to observe sheep paterns... or something, it was too mind-nubming to remember though.

It started off well, couple of my mates had their dirty mags out ready for the coach trip so we engaged in a spot of 'reading the articles'.

When we arrived we were to take up a partener and set off to do whatever it was we were supposed to be doing, which ended up not being anything the teachers could say. It seemed the logical idea that we should annoy some of the sheep wandering around there, and to our suprise, we eventually found a couple of shagging sheeps; after we'd finished laughing, we said to our mate, "how long is it?", so we get him to crouch down and explain it, unfortunately, we thought it would be funny to push the poor sod into teh banging sheep, cut to him falling face first into the sheep/ram whatever's schlong. The second he stands up we notice that there is a liquid running down his face, that sort of appeared to be sheep come, lo and behold... it was.

He's never forgiven us and we've never stopped laughing..

apologies for length, I was born with it.
(Thu 14th Dec 2006, 20:26, More)

» Ignoring Instructions

there once was a time...
there once was a time when i was 10, and we all used to play footy around my mates garages, now we had already used the FRAGILE ROOF! signs for frisbies, so cue my mate taking a huge beckham kick, ball on the garage. so gladly, i attempt to retrieve it, and enter me falling flat arse on the roof of a corsa, with my mates pissing themselves laughing and the sound of sirens in the background, they did eventually help me up though.

we never did get the ball back....
(Mon 8th May 2006, 17:02, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

bloody trolleys...
when i was about 7-8, i always used to go down to the roughest part of my town (cos it had the biggest hill) and go sledging in the winter, i say it was rough as there was always cans, trolleys and smashed bottles on that hill, it was also very, VERY uneven.

so one snowy year, "ooh, lets go sledging", sledge hits a can of beer, topples, i fly out and my croth get trapped between an old couch and a very pointy trolley...

you can only imagine what happens next

P.S. if you have any doubts about this, ladies especially can check the 2-inch scar and the tip of my foreskin...
(Thu 20th Jul 2006, 20:22, More)
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