b3ta.com user grazer
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» Secret Santa

Four fingers
My work colleague lost his wedding ring finger first week into this job. Daves been here for 4 years now and every year we always gets a gift of a kit kat as it has 4 fingers just like him.
(Sat 16th Dec 2006, 15:05, More)

» Insults

"Go fuck a horse with a shitty slut you FUCKING BUTT PLUG"
This one still gets brought up at family events from time to time.

Many moons ago whilst on our yearly holiday to the South of France my younger brother Scott would play football from dawn until dusk on the pitch next to our "block." Sitting there with my parents having a BBQ one evening when all we hear is "Go fuck a horse with a shitty slut you FUCKING BUTT PLUG." Turns out that my secret porno stash in the cabin we shared wasnt so secret after all. Needless to say it came out that Scott had not only found said stash but had also been studying "aaaaall the words to impress the older boys with." I was actually quite proud of him once the slipper marks on my arse died down!
(Mon 8th Oct 2007, 11:56, More)

» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

When I was in Uni I used to get smashed in Paisley and then take "sleep breaks" on garden walls during the shitty 3 mile walk home. I would regularly awake hrs later completely disoriented and ended up heading back in the same direction I had just came from. That used to piss me off every time.
(Sat 30th Dec 2006, 15:43, More)

» Body Mods

Soo shit
I've got a black sun tattoo on my arm that I picked so much it now has white speckles all over it. Its shit.
(Fri 1st Dec 2006, 17:09, More)

» Dentists

Glasgow dental hospital
Few years back managed to crack a tooth in half, didnt have much dosh so decided to go up to the free student dental hospital in Glasgow. Next thing I know my mouth is open and im staring at a gormless 3rd yr dental student (OK, dont actually know what year she was in but she wasnt fuckin qualified anyway!!!) with her teacher in the background giving it "its quite easy, just puuull hard and keep twistin in every direction". 20 mins later the chick still hasnt got the tooth out and im now in agony. Q fucking brutal bob and his grazed knuckles appearing at the request of teacher pull and twist. 5 mins and a fucking astonishing amount of pain later and BB is proudly holding aloft my tooth. Im sat in the seat just thanking the lord its over. Or so I thought.... Teacher looks at the tooth and pulls puzzled face. "ooh, looks like you have 5 roots but only 4 and a half are here, we'll have to get the missing half also. Thats highly unusual you know". I felt like crying. Q more pain, drilling and pulling and eventually it was over. Couldnt move half my mouth and gum was in fucking agony.

I'll just pay for my treatment next time. Cunts.
(Sat 4th Nov 2006, 15:56, More)
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