b3ta.com user Mr Teatime
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» Picky Eaters

In my opinion ..
Most people are fussy eater because they are spoiled little shits or are fussy just to be different and get some attention.
(Sat 3rd Mar 2007, 18:16, More)

» What's the most horrific thing you've seen?

Rat in the water tank
This was a good few years back now and still makes me cringe to think about it .. the story goes like this ..

Over a couple of weeks we begin to notice a bad smell eminating from the water coming from all the taps in the house. My dad decided to have a look in the water tank and what he discovered was a half decomposed rat floating away, after scooping it into a bag he tried to hide it from us but I causght a glimpse and the sight of that rat in a plastic bag with the skin hanging off was not a pleasant one. We had been drinking cooking and washing with that water for a good while and to this day i'm still amazed that nobody got sick.
(Mon 25th Jun 2007, 22:39, More)

» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

A bit anti religous
At school I used to try and annoy the more religous teachers, rebelling against their habbit of spouting thier beliefs even during non religious subjects.

So one day ... I decided to take it a step further and created an a4 sheet in 2o point red letters stating "10 things that you never knew about god" this contained such facts as; god shags kids, god was a pot smoking hippy. god is a cunt and god sucks dogs cocks. I then put this under the door of our coweringly christian german teachers door ... nearly got expelled for that one.

I even went to the lengths of creating an Amiga bootable floppy disc called the Christian Mutilator which was to be a kind of Jolly Rogers Cookbook aimed at targeting religous types. I got as far as writing some shite stuff and creating a animated cross with blood flowing down uing delux paint.

I'm a bit more sensible now mind and only target muslims and cats.
(Thu 19th Jul 2007, 15:57, More)

» The Credit Crunch

What Credit Crunch?
Is it just me or do most of the smug "what credit crunch" posts sound like a load of old bollocks and lies? Also do people who refer to themseleves as being in unsackable positions really think that? Surely they can't be that dilussional, no job is 100% safe.
(Mon 26th Jan 2009, 19:19, More)

» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

The one where mr teatime shits himsilf at a meeting
Around a year ago whilst working as a trainee sales engineer with a hydraulics company I experienced what at the time, was quite a traumatising experience

Myself and the sales manager would visit clients together, the idea being that I would be trained as we went along and so he had organised a meeting with one of our clients. We duly arrived and as we were waiting in the reception, the warning signs appeared, I should have known then that the faint rumblings in my belly were about to cause a major problem, but no I elected to not ask where the toilet was and swept it under the rug so to speak. Our client soon came to greet us and began to lead us through to the meeting room, not long into the journey my arsehole decided to go into a bit of a flap and slowly let its slimy brown infected mess into my pants. With each step more came out, I was now beyond the twilight zone. As we reached the meeting room I snapped back to reality, asked where the toilets were and excused myself. Following the directions given and with a steady amount of hot sticky arse fluid running out of my undergarments, down my leg in to my shoe, I made my way to the sanctuary of the toilets. Of course as fate had it, during this time I am being followed by a couple of office hotties, how attracted to me they must have been as I left my dripping trail of arse matter.

It is then I realise that there is a flight of stairs between me and the WC. Now if any of you has tried to walk up stairs while trying to hold in a wave of watery devils ca ca, you will realise it's pretty much up there amongst faster than light travel and finding Janet Street Porter attractive in terms of impossibility. I'd pretty much ran out of shit by the time I got to the toilet. Once in the cubicle I stripped off and began the process of cleaning myself. Bearing in mind that with trousers, pants, socks and shoes all contaminated with my unholy matter, it was no easy task. To make it a bit more interesting fate had decided that the shift in the workshop would finish now and that the entire workshop staff would need a piss. The laughter as they spotted my shitty under-crackers lying shittily on the floor, just close enough to the door to be visible to the outside world, will haunt me for a very long time.

They left eventually, I finished the task but despite the best efforts I still stank of shit and had wet trousers so I ventured out back to the meeting room and gingerly popped my head round the door to make my excuses and leave. I waited in the car for my colleague thanking my stars that we had taken my car. I never did tell him the truth about why I never made it in to the meeting room.

And to this day I smile when I cast my mind back to that day and to the fact that in the cistern of one of the cubicles in their workshop floats a pair of shitty ASDA under crackers, concealed out of sight but certainly not out of mind.
(Thu 27th Mar 2008, 19:15, More)
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