Profile for JugglerJAF:
Live in North Yorkshire, UK.
Work as an HR Consultant for a mortgage admin company.
Love really corny puns and have a sarcastic sense of humour.
Recent front page messages:
Best answers to questions:
[read all their answers]
- a member for 21 years, 9 months and 0 days
- has posted 301 messages on the main board
- (of which 3 have appeared on the front page)
- has posted 6 messages on the talk board
- has posted 3 messages on the links board
- has posted 25 stories and 4 replies on question of the week
- They liked 2 pictures, 1 links, 0 talk posts, and 7 qotw answers.
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Live in North Yorkshire, UK.
Work as an HR Consultant for a mortgage admin company.
Love really corny puns and have a sarcastic sense of humour.
Recent front page messages:
Lionel's emerging self-awareness
brought with it delusions of grandeur
(that gag has been in my head all day at work!!)
(Wed 6th Aug 2003, 17:49, More)
brought with it delusions of grandeur
(that gag has been in my head all day at work!!)
(Wed 6th Aug 2003, 17:49, More)
Kevin had decided to go "high tech" this year
woodpecker repost
Yay!! First ever front page! I'd like to thank the Academy, my producer, Jebus etc. etc.
(Mon 5th May 2003, 12:10, More)
woodpecker repost
Yay!! First ever front page! I'd like to thank the Academy, my producer, Jebus etc. etc.
(Mon 5th May 2003, 12:10, More)
Best answers to questions:
» School Days
Peanuts
Someone at school, knowing I was allergic to peanuts thought it would be a hillarious prank to put a Marathon (as Snickers bars were known back in those days) into a Mars Bar wrapper and to offer me a bite of his "Mars Bar" (NB: this is not a sexual euphamism).
As I quite like Mars Bars, I of course said "Ooh, thanks" and proceeded to take a large bite from said "Mars Bar" only for the inevitable to happen.
Fortunately, I'm not as allergic to peanuts as some poor people are, so for me, the ineviable consequence of eating peanuts is not to die of anaphalytic shock, but rather to be copiously and extravagantly sick.
Now, generally, being sick isn't exactly a barrel of laughs, except that in this case, I managed to cover the perpretrator of this evil prank from head to toe in peanut-sick.
You should have seen the look on his face (mind you, it wasn't easy to see under all that vomit!)
(Fri 30th Jan 2009, 18:49, More)
Peanuts
Someone at school, knowing I was allergic to peanuts thought it would be a hillarious prank to put a Marathon (as Snickers bars were known back in those days) into a Mars Bar wrapper and to offer me a bite of his "Mars Bar" (NB: this is not a sexual euphamism).
As I quite like Mars Bars, I of course said "Ooh, thanks" and proceeded to take a large bite from said "Mars Bar" only for the inevitable to happen.
Fortunately, I'm not as allergic to peanuts as some poor people are, so for me, the ineviable consequence of eating peanuts is not to die of anaphalytic shock, but rather to be copiously and extravagantly sick.
Now, generally, being sick isn't exactly a barrel of laughs, except that in this case, I managed to cover the perpretrator of this evil prank from head to toe in peanut-sick.
You should have seen the look on his face (mind you, it wasn't easy to see under all that vomit!)
(Fri 30th Jan 2009, 18:49, More)
» Heckles
At a juggling convention a few years back
There was an American guy doing a routine at the renegade show (late night, anything goes kind of thing) and he was juggling basketballs (not relevant to the story but insert obligatory joke about the size of his balls here).
Anyhoo, this guy was slagging off the Brits, calling us "limeys" and all the usual USA-centric bollocks.
He paused in his routine so I called out from the back "What's the difference between America and yoghurt?". He looked a little baffled and said in a slighty concerned tone "I don't know..."
Cue the response of "Yoghurt has a culture!" followed by cheers of approval from the crowd and one very pissed off and angry yank.
(Fri 7th Apr 2006, 18:39, More)
At a juggling convention a few years back
There was an American guy doing a routine at the renegade show (late night, anything goes kind of thing) and he was juggling basketballs (not relevant to the story but insert obligatory joke about the size of his balls here).
Anyhoo, this guy was slagging off the Brits, calling us "limeys" and all the usual USA-centric bollocks.
He paused in his routine so I called out from the back "What's the difference between America and yoghurt?". He looked a little baffled and said in a slighty concerned tone "I don't know..."
Cue the response of "Yoghurt has a culture!" followed by cheers of approval from the crowd and one very pissed off and angry yank.
(Fri 7th Apr 2006, 18:39, More)
» Petty Sabotage
We re-string all sports racquets
So said the sign in the window of a sports shop in Leeds.
I'd gone into the shop which was very quiet with just a young bored looking lad behind the till and was looking at trainers, not with the intention of buying any, just having a look.
Anyway, this spotty little YTS oink comes out from behind the till and says to me "are you goin' to buy them shoes or what?"
Being somewhat offended by his oafish attitude, I decide to play a little prank. I mention the sign in the window about re-stringing and he asks me what I need doing so I say "My table tennis bat".
He looks a little baffled (understandably) so I tell him (with a perfectly straight face) that the sub-stringing under the rubber which is used to give the ball better grip and spin has perished and ask if they can replace it.
YTS Boy says he doesn't know and that he'll go and ask the Manager. Off he dissapears out the back of the shop, short pause followed by huge laughter from (presumably) the Manager and YTS Boy comes out looking very embarrassed which is my cue to leg it from the shop.
(More petty revenge rather than sabotage, but WTF)
(Wed 4th May 2005, 12:30, More)
We re-string all sports racquets
So said the sign in the window of a sports shop in Leeds.
I'd gone into the shop which was very quiet with just a young bored looking lad behind the till and was looking at trainers, not with the intention of buying any, just having a look.
Anyway, this spotty little YTS oink comes out from behind the till and says to me "are you goin' to buy them shoes or what?"
Being somewhat offended by his oafish attitude, I decide to play a little prank. I mention the sign in the window about re-stringing and he asks me what I need doing so I say "My table tennis bat".
He looks a little baffled (understandably) so I tell him (with a perfectly straight face) that the sub-stringing under the rubber which is used to give the ball better grip and spin has perished and ask if they can replace it.
YTS Boy says he doesn't know and that he'll go and ask the Manager. Off he dissapears out the back of the shop, short pause followed by huge laughter from (presumably) the Manager and YTS Boy comes out looking very embarrassed which is my cue to leg it from the shop.
(More petty revenge rather than sabotage, but WTF)
(Wed 4th May 2005, 12:30, More)
» When animals attack...
Not me, but my mum...
Many years ago when a was but a "little-un", we were going to the zoo for the day.
Stuck in traffic on the way there on a hot summer day with the car windows rolled down, my mum was somewhat surprised to be crapped on by a passing seagull which had worked out a shitting trajectory that would pass it's excreta through the car window and onto my mum's arm. The stuff was everywhere - must have been a big bird (the seagull, not my mum).
After much cleaning up with wet wipes and tissues we eventually made it to the zoo. Good day, ice cream, lots of new and exciting creatures to see including a rhinocerous.
We're all standing there watching the rhino when it turns away from us, takes two steps forward and then unleashes a jet of urine straight backwards.
It was like it was coming out of a firehose, a very powerful and very accurate firehose. Accurate in that it hit just one person - yup, my mum again.
We all had a lovely day, except my mother of course who, having been crapped on by a seagull who must have been related to Bomber Harris and pissed on by a markman-like rhino hadn't enjoyed her grand day out (our hysterical laughter at her plight probably hadn't helped).
(Fri 3rd Jun 2005, 7:21, More)
Not me, but my mum...
Many years ago when a was but a "little-un", we were going to the zoo for the day.
Stuck in traffic on the way there on a hot summer day with the car windows rolled down, my mum was somewhat surprised to be crapped on by a passing seagull which had worked out a shitting trajectory that would pass it's excreta through the car window and onto my mum's arm. The stuff was everywhere - must have been a big bird (the seagull, not my mum).
After much cleaning up with wet wipes and tissues we eventually made it to the zoo. Good day, ice cream, lots of new and exciting creatures to see including a rhinocerous.
We're all standing there watching the rhino when it turns away from us, takes two steps forward and then unleashes a jet of urine straight backwards.
It was like it was coming out of a firehose, a very powerful and very accurate firehose. Accurate in that it hit just one person - yup, my mum again.
We all had a lovely day, except my mother of course who, having been crapped on by a seagull who must have been related to Bomber Harris and pissed on by a markman-like rhino hadn't enjoyed her grand day out (our hysterical laughter at her plight probably hadn't helped).
(Fri 3rd Jun 2005, 7:21, More)
» My Worst Vomit
More of a good vomit...
I'm slightly allergic to peanuts, they make me vomit (a lot).
Back in my schooldays, one of my "friends" thought it would be highly amusing to disguise a Marathon (no such things as Snickers back then) by putting it into a Mars Bar wrapper and offering me a bite of the said confectionery Trojan horse.
Not knowing it was a Marathon, I gladly accepted his kind offer, only to be promptly, and expansively sick ... all over the guy who pulled this practical "joke".
Not so much a case of egg on his face as sick on his face, his hair, his shirt, his trousers, his books...
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 7:59, More)
More of a good vomit...
I'm slightly allergic to peanuts, they make me vomit (a lot).
Back in my schooldays, one of my "friends" thought it would be highly amusing to disguise a Marathon (no such things as Snickers back then) by putting it into a Mars Bar wrapper and offering me a bite of the said confectionery Trojan horse.
Not knowing it was a Marathon, I gladly accepted his kind offer, only to be promptly, and expansively sick ... all over the guy who pulled this practical "joke".
Not so much a case of egg on his face as sick on his face, his hair, his shirt, his trousers, his books...
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 7:59, More)