» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

Well...
I am a man of many, many bad habits.

I drink, I smoke, I yell at inanimate objects when they fail to please me, and I swear like a squaddie who has just trapped his balls in a desk drawer. My friends have variously described me as "a music Nazi", "a film snob" and an "angry, angry man", while my mother has accused me of ruining every Christmas since 1997. As well as possessing a sense of humour that would shame a b3tan, I am a Guardian-reading, vegetarian, bleeding-heart liberal and all that entails.

After a number of years I have somehow conned my way into a supervisory role at work, where my management style could best be described as shouting at people and waving my arms, and where I have attempted to instigate a policy of making team members wear tiny paper hats with childish insults written on them if they make mistakes. (Regrettably they still refuse to sing the loyalty song I wrote, or to salute the badly drawn picture of myself I pin to the wall when I am out of the office).

In the past I have mistakenly given my 83 year old grandmother drugs, directed the son of the vicar for the area's largest church to both goatse and 2girls1cup, and have very nearly superglued my glasses to my face. When stopped in the street by people trying to collect money for worthy causes, in order to avoid contributing I have been known to claim that I am unfortunately an "enormous bastard" who hates whatever they are collecting for, one time even going to far as claim my Grandfather was killed by a whale to justify my alleged hatred for them.

...In spite of all this though, and no doubt despite the protests of his wife with whom I have never seen eye-to-eye, two years ago today I received a phone call from my best friend informing me of the birth of his first son, and asking me to be his Godfather.

Thanks Ed.

And Happy Birthday George.
(Thu 2nd Oct 2008, 19:41, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

So many...
I've always liked the type where one person writes something, and someone has been so bothered by it that they've felt the need to write a reply underneath.

In the mens toilets in the Cro Bar:

"DJ Eazy pisses on any metal band"
"Why not just use a toilet like anyone else?"

and from the excellent Pictures Of Walls website:

"T-BONE is da illest"
"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope he gets better"

(see www.picturesofwalls.com for more fine examples of the art...)
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 18:02, More)

» How nerdy are you?

...
IDDQD

IDKFA

IDSPISPOPD
(Fri 7th Mar 2008, 19:24, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

My brother...
My brother was known as "Ten Bellies" when he was younger, because his friends reckoned he was twice as fat as Paul Gasgoine's morbidly obese Northern drinking pal, Jimmy Five Bellies.

They also called him "Cob" - on the basis that if they couldn't shorten Jake, they'd lengthen it to Jacob and then shorten that instead.



(Neither of which are as bad as one of his mates though, who was known as "Jack the Ripper" after a wanking accident...)
(Fri 19th May 2006, 22:16, More)