b3ta.com user Sir Pigeon Nipples
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Profile for Sir Pigeon Nipples:
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If you are here because something I have posted has deeply offended you. Suck shit.

WARNING: There is an image at the bottom of my profile that will probably offend closet homosexuals & fat ugly women. DO NOT SCROLL DOWN IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY A WOMAN IN PANTIES.



Now that that has been said..., lets all "Fluffy up" & get on with the good stuff! :) :) :) :) :)

Tip: Hessco Images are mine (not an overlooked watermark).


Special thanks to Folds Five for my pixelly conversion:)

and to Mr Pineapple for making me realise that when I am drawn as a characture I look like Rolf Harris (Its OK, I have booked the vasectomy;)
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Image compliments of Gilgamesh

Male, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 ,Australian, Business Owner. Not super rich yet..... 2009 Update.... Fuck that, still have businees, but work for others full time. Much less stressful.

I like:My kids, my wifey (seperated now 2010), business, killer sound systems, all sorts of vehicles, cigars & having a few drinks with good company (especially when it involves a nice red wine)
I also like to swear... So much so that I am compiling a list of the most common & intriguing blasphemous
words used on b3ta. Enjoy...

ARSE, ARSEHOLE, BUM, BUMCHEESE, CLIT-ROTTING FUCK BUCKETS, COCKSTAIN, CUNT, CUNTBAGS, CUNTCHOPS, CUNTFACE, CUNT FEATURES, COCK, COCKHEAD, COCK-KNOCKER, DICK, DICKHEAD, FUCK, FUCKED, FUCKHEAD, FUCKNUGGET, HAIRY ARSEBOIL, PISS, PIIS-STAIN, SHIT, SHITBAGS, SHITFACE, SHITHEAD, SPOCK RIMMING WANKTREKKIES, TWAT, TWAT-FEATURES, ANY OTHER SUGGESTIONS?

And we all love mongs!



And cleaning my ears, oh fuck yeah!


I Hate: Chewbacca & the cunt that ripped me off over $1/4m. But I hate Chewbacca more.
And memes, I fucking hate memes;)

Special thanks to Zank Frappa for sending the flap jumping on the bed PSD for me to work on.
(here)
I also really hate it when that smug cunt knocks off my fathers day crossaints!

Thanks to maninthespoon for that one!
And emos, god I fucking hate emos.









This is Mrs Nips The Ex & I in the backyard.



And our Son the parrot I lost in the split, Bob:
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(I dont keep pics of the actual kids here, So you Paedos will have to find someone elses kids to wank over.)

Thanks to Mrs Trellis for this lovely pic of our boy...
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket original..... (pretty fucking good effort 'ey!)

generated by sloganizer.net

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Stuff some people have said in response to my posts:

"Only an Aussie can offend two countries in a single sentence..."
Mr. Tea is in ur sushi destroyin ur chromosomes!!!, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 0:27

"*rapes you in your massive gaping pigeon cunt*"
Noit Putting "it" in "there", Sat 9 Dec 2006, 0:07,

"You're only marginally shitter than SickRik, but it's enough."
Bud Muhnquai The Quadfather, Thu 29 Mar 2007, 12:02

"oh my god..you have EATEN HER FACE!"
moohalaa virb.com/declan, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 0:40

"I love you."
WebWench Internet fairy, make a wish, I might make it true., Mon 25 Jun 2007, 2:55

"Have an award...
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J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Now with added Duck Pond!, Wed 8 Aug, 12:06

"Little princess?
Excuse me? Don't fucking talk to me like that you motherfucker. Jesus christ. Who d'you think you are, you condescending ass hole!? HOW CAN I GET THROUGH TO YOU THAT THE IGNORE BUTTON IS THERE FOR A REASON"
Killerkitti: Every time she smiles, a new emo is born., Mon 18 Feb, 21:51

"well it's one of many reasons in my new book.."WHY WE LOVE SIR PIGEON NIPS"
which includes such reasons as...

1.he's a sexy bastard
2.he's a sexy bastard
3.he's a sexy bastard
4.he's a sexy bastard
5.he's a sexy bastard
6.he's a sexy bastard
7.he's a sexy bastard
8.wears women's underwear
9.he's a sexy bastard
10.he's a sexy bastard

NOW AVAILABLE FROM ALL GOOD BOOKSHOPS!"
KittyVomit Nuns! Nuns! Reverse! Reverse! Reverse! Reverse!, Thu 6 Mar, 1:06

"I for one, welcome our new nipply pigeon overlord"
The Great Architect all I really care bout is Mama's Chicken Dumplings, Wed 12 Mar 2008, 11:42

I am also incharge of beard and breast presentation aboard the pearl Necklace....


If you feel the need to stalk me I have Myspace and MSN ([email protected]). Dont be shy now;) I must point out that I am not an actual desperado pervert. I set that email up to play a joke on Lady Nipples one day. So please, just think of me as a dirty old man.

And jessie made me an honourary member of:

Tea and coffee are in the kitchen and we have a collection every two weeks to buy biscuits...welcome to the club!
Jessie "because it is my nature" said the scorpion, Wed 28 Feb, 09:19,

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Zombification by the talented "Happy Toast".



7 shape vectorificated by the honourable "Logovend"



I told KittyVomit NO PHOTOS! But bless her anyway:)






OH NO!!!! Some silly little quiz things!...








And I eat dead stuff off the side of the road too.



How evil are you?























how jedi are you?
:: by lawrie malen





















And don't forget....





If you have made it down this far I guess you can have my MSN address should you like to talk off the board... [email protected] Do not be offended if I dont answer as I keep it on at work but do not always have a chance to respond.





Here is the chic in panties as promised









You are one of:
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very smart or offended people visit my profile.

Have a nice day :)























Or maybe I am just a 45 year old trucker named Dave.


With Crabs

And I will interfere with your corpse...

Thanks Tribs!

Recent front page messages:


none

Best answers to questions:

» Guilty Pleasures, part 2

Swearing at kids and getting kids in trouble. (not my own kids of course;)
1. Swearing and Supermarkets:
don't you just love those parents that let their kids run amok in a supermarket whilst they are in another aisle trying to find the cheapest shit they can?
If these kids even come close to getting in my way I like to say something along the lines of "Fuck off out of my way you little fucking brat. And put that shit back on the fucking shelves where you found it!"
I have found that they usually dont say anything to their parents as they think they would get in trouble. It makes me feel even better If I catch them with their parents in another aisle later on so I can pull faces at them.

2. Kids in cars & trouble:
Oh, this would have to be my favourite form of amusement on any journey. The best way to get the little blighters in trouble is at traffic lights. You need to be in the lane beside them and pull up so your window is directly opposite theirs (them being in the back seat of course). Pull a cheeky face at them, they will pull one back. Repeat this one or two more times progressing from cheeky to rude. Then poke up your middle finger at them, 9 times out of 10 they will do it back, sneaking it in so the parents do not notice. This is the tricky part.... you have to stick both of your middle fingers up at them and dance around a bit without getting their mothers/fathers attention. By this stage the kids are so into this face pulling rude gesture game they are playing they will try and out do you by pulling faces, dancing around, sticking their fingers up at you and acting like a right mong.
Naturally the previous actions cause the parents to notice as they are bouncing around like mongs on speed making rude gestures at strangers.
Result: "WWWWWWWHACK!"
Should you get caught looking by the parents simply give a WTF? look and look ahead again mouthing the words "fucking brats".
Extra points are awarded for being able to laugh at the kids once the parents have stopped beating them and are looking forward again.
This game can also be played when travelling behind a car with 3rd row seats and at the supermarket with kids in shopping trolleys.

Enjoy!
I do:)
(Sun 16th Mar 2008, 10:03, More)

» Guilty Secrets

Every time I scroll through the phone number list on my mobile
I see the name of one of my freinds (that died of cancer a feww weeks ago) and say to myself "Wont be needing that one any more!"
Makes me smile every time.
I must be a cunt.
(Tue 4th Sep 2007, 7:28, More)

» Evil Pranks

Back in the days when I was in the fire protection industry.....
I had assumed a position as workshop/service manager for a local fire protection firm (extingushers, supression systems etc). Part of my position was to train a 17yo trianee.
One of my favourite pranks on him was sending him for a walk down the road to purchase a 2kg can of food grade petroleum jelly (we used this to lubricate "O rings" used in valves for suppression systems and extinguishers) along with an official purchase order. I printed and folded the order in half passed it to him and sent him on his merry way.
What should have been a 10 minute round trip resulted in him showing up 1/2 an hour looking flustered and red in the face.
"What the fuck took you so long!?" was my greeting.
"FUCK YOU!" he replies, shaking his head.
"Whats the fucking problem? I gave you the order, they have it on the shelf, it should not take that long to get a fucking tub of Vaso!" (vaso= petroleum jelly).
"you're a cunt!" is all he had to respond with.
Me:"Well what is the fucking problem?"
"Well, I handed over the order, asked for what you wanted. They had to call the manager down from his office to check the order, then they called the sales rep down. The sales rep had to call the storeman. The storeman had to then fax the order off to the suppliers to see if it was correct. then they gave me the goods along with the invoice and a copy of this order along with your purchase order which I read on the way back YOU CUNT!"

Did I forget to mention that I wrote:
"DO NOT SHAKE THIS GUYS HAND UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE!" in the "spcial instructions" part of the order.

Top young bloke, still calls me to this day for a chit chat and maintains that I am the best boss he ever had even though I was an absoloute cunt.

Bless ya Brody, you were a fucking legend to work with.
(Tue 18th Dec 2007, 7:21, More)

» My most gullible moment

I was just reading throught these answers and was inspired by the "Willie Nelson Just Died" one....
As my wifey usually sends a few emails to me through the day I thought I'd casually slip the "Willie" into one of my replies. Below is the transcript (complete with unrelated shit)...

Wifey: 10.11am Hiya there
Could you please follow up with Lynette this morning for me? I did explain it on the voice mail, but I really do need it followed up today, coz I really need it posted today so sarah gets it tomorrow.
Also Tina asked if I would like to go to the movies with her on fri night if we can find somewhere thatís still showing S.A.T.C? would this be ok with you if I did?

Love you

Me 11.19am: I really dont want to,
but guess I have to seeing as you clearly haven't wanted to do it either.
yeah movies is fine.

Just found out Willie Nelson died.

xo

Wifey 11.42am: But I did try ringing her, and left a msg with all the details last night. Just want you to call her to confirm she got the msg and that she can get onto it asap.

Oh thatís sad, what from? I didnít realise he was even sick.

xxoo

Me 11.46am: He was playing on the road again

xo:)

Wifey 11.47am: Did he really die?

Me 11.50am: *strokes head gently*
Nooo Bronwyn, he did not die.
It was all part of a meeean meeean joke your boyfriend played on you:(

*hugs*

Wifey 11.53am: You dickhead!!!!!! I just told everyone in the office that he had!!!!!


RESULT PLUS!!!
I got a text message soon after infoming me that I was a "fuckwit".
She also called a bit after that and it turns out that she is still struggling as to how to tell everyone that he is not really dead.

This has made my day.
Thanks for the inspration B3ta! :):):)
(Thu 28th Aug 2008, 3:18, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

There are a couple...
I once heard of a guy who's name was Tony Hancock, he was named "PARTS" atfer the various body parts his name reflected.. Toe, Knee, Hand, Cock. Funny stuff I thought.

My favourite one is a man I know who lost most of his fingers on one hand due to a panel saw accident. We all refer to him as "The Clock", because one hand is shorter than the other.
(Fri 19th May 2006, 4:26, More)
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