» The Weird Kid In Class

Strange people I was fortunate enough to "learn" beside
Ooh who first, well at least two guys at my school were walked to the gates by their mothers (bear in mind this is secondary school we are talking about). One guy, who was aptly named Jeffry, had a mother so protective that when he went on Work placement she went on the bus with him, waited around, met him for lunch, waited around then got the bus home with him!

Next was a guy I'll name Alan cos even though he's dead He's still to be feared (Vampire you see but I'll ge to that) was a scary dude, stabbed a guy, he had lost a fight with weeks before, outside English class with a bowie knife. We were in second year at the time which would have made us all about 13.

He later killed himself in Carstairs after murdering his best friend for calling the girl in Queen of the Damned a "black Bitch" then eating bits of him! Heres the BBC's take on it: news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/3168520.stm

Well at least hes not a racist and therefore a better person than Jade Goodie!
(Sat 20th Jan 2007, 22:51, More)

» Why should you be fired from your job?

Sports Shop
I used to work for a well known "sports" shop (i.e. tailor for the chav classes) owned by a twat who also owns a few sports teams in Wigan.

As I was a part time worker whilst at uni I put in much less than the expected 100%. Highlights include:

Coming in every weekend still E'd out of my tits

Getting drunk at lunchtime with my semi jayky supervisor and her friends

Selling my area manager (he didn't know it was me getting him his drugs) E's & speed through ubove supervisor who was shagging him

refusing to push the storecards on moral grounds (not wanting to go to hull for encouraging people who cant get credit elsewere a glorified credit card with 27% intrest)

making indecent suggestions to the 17 year old Saturday girls

getting stoned at breaktime with a former armed robber and heroin addict who would descibe how to perform random criminal acts (from cooking up crack to stealing slot machines from motorway service stations)

Sleeping most Sundays in the stockroom (no managers most Sundays)

My favourate moment was locking a cocky new start in the dark upstairs storeroom and forgetting about him. the only way up to the room was a rickety old lift, when you pulled open the lift door on any floor the lift stalled and would not move until you shut it. We meant to lock him up for 10 mins or so but the shop got busy and we forgot... untill 5pm when we knocked off. Fortunately my mate Big Mick had put his notice in so he took the rap.

I wish I sill worked there.
(Fri 10th Aug 2007, 20:34, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Glen Michael
Not exactly a hero, in fact its questionable if he's even a celebrity, however when I were a lad I saw Glen Michael of Glen Michaels cartoon cavelcade "fame" (saterday afternoon kid tv show, he had a talking lamp called pallidin)who was hanging around Blairdrummond safari park trying to get noticed by the kiddies. My mother must have felt sorry for him and made me go ask for his autograph to which he said "Oh I thought you'd never ask"

Well gypo twunt, for the record if it had been left up to me I never would have, you poor mans Rolf Harris
(Sat 27th May 2006, 16:19, More)

» Crazy Relatives

My Grandad
Lovely old racist, fervantly anti-catholic to the extent of once cornering the local councillor in the street sometime in the 60's and telling him in no uncertain terms to stop moving catholics into his street, and supporting any football team playing against Italy or Ireland (I don't think he realises that there are other catholic nations). However, his brother married a catholic & if any of his family come round it's like a visit from royalty, anyone he knows from the bookies or plays dominos with, any of my friends or my girlfriend are also exempt from this? Go figure?

Since retirement he decided that he has spent his working life getting up early so never rises till 10, the only problem with this is that he doesn't need that much sleep so has to stay up till 3 or 4 in the morning to achive this.

Spends most of the day in the bookies of in front of Channel four racing (interesting sidenote is that although he will have nothing to do with technology and doesn't understand anything invented post war it took him 5mins to figure out how to use teletext when my dad told him he could get the racing results). Spies of the guys from the chinese resaurant to the extent of digging their slips out of the bin when they lose to see how much they bet?

Any time anyone from our family travels anywhere he looks up all the bad things that can happen in that country or failing that goes on hearsay. Although a committed socialist was convinced that Fidel Castro was going to lock me up when I went to Cuba, reason JFK didn't like him. Anyone goes to spain they will get mugged, reason my gran got mugged there in the early 80's!

Sorry for the length, (insert cock joke)
(Mon 9th Jul 2007, 20:04, More)