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» Going Too Far
Kebab House woes
Picture the scene if you will:- 2002-ish, Winter, a Kebab House somewhere in Scotland.
My mate “The Chris” and I were having a bit of banter with the kebab house owner after having ordered the largest kebab in NATO,when in walks a 30 something and what we assumed to be his date for the evening. At this point The Chris and I were joking with the owner about some of the more colourful insults we’d heard traded during a recent bitch-fight in town.
30-something sees this as the ideal opportunity to interject and impress his date with his dry wit and charisma.
“ Ha ha, my favourite comeback has got to be 'I know you are, but what am I' ha ha” says 30-something.
His date gives a short giggle combined with a look that could only mean “Oh fuck what kind of twat am I going out with?”
The Chris, clearly insulted and offended at the twat’s useless and frankly shit retort says “That was pish mate”
He continues with the classic “ My favourite has to be ‘You’ve got a face like a rape-victims' pelvis’ ”
Stunned silence all round, jaws agape.
Too far?!
(Thu 16th Nov 2006, 8:35, More)
Kebab House woes
Picture the scene if you will:- 2002-ish, Winter, a Kebab House somewhere in Scotland.
My mate “The Chris” and I were having a bit of banter with the kebab house owner after having ordered the largest kebab in NATO,when in walks a 30 something and what we assumed to be his date for the evening. At this point The Chris and I were joking with the owner about some of the more colourful insults we’d heard traded during a recent bitch-fight in town.
30-something sees this as the ideal opportunity to interject and impress his date with his dry wit and charisma.
“ Ha ha, my favourite comeback has got to be 'I know you are, but what am I' ha ha” says 30-something.
His date gives a short giggle combined with a look that could only mean “Oh fuck what kind of twat am I going out with?”
The Chris, clearly insulted and offended at the twat’s useless and frankly shit retort says “That was pish mate”
He continues with the classic “ My favourite has to be ‘You’ve got a face like a rape-victims' pelvis’ ”
Stunned silence all round, jaws agape.
Too far?!
(Thu 16th Nov 2006, 8:35, More)
» Awesome Sickies
Lies, All Lies!
When I were a lad, I worked part-time in a local shop to feed my drink habit. Now, the only problem with this was that the wanky Pakistani owner refused to pay me decent wages and opted for a whopping £1 an hour (I was only 15 and couldn't get a decent job!). Child slavery I say!
Anyhoo, one night my mate comes round to my house with a cracking idea "Let's go and get rat-arsed, it's student night! £1 a drink!"
"Cracking idea" says I, "Only one problem though, i'm supposed to be working tonight"
"Not a jot" says my mate "I'll phone them up, pretend to be your brother and tell them you're sick and can't come in!". Matey goes ahead and makes the call. Great, except for the minor detail i'd forgotten :- my brother worked for them for years and still spoke to them on a regular basis so would clearly see through such a foolish scheme. *Fucksocks*
Result:- They did, and I was never asked back to do another shift and was given dirty looks whenever I went in for shopping! Great night out though!
*Pop* Sat in the bushes stalking for far too long!
(Fri 9th Jun 2006, 20:11, More)
Lies, All Lies!
When I were a lad, I worked part-time in a local shop to feed my drink habit. Now, the only problem with this was that the wanky Pakistani owner refused to pay me decent wages and opted for a whopping £1 an hour (I was only 15 and couldn't get a decent job!). Child slavery I say!
Anyhoo, one night my mate comes round to my house with a cracking idea "Let's go and get rat-arsed, it's student night! £1 a drink!"
"Cracking idea" says I, "Only one problem though, i'm supposed to be working tonight"
"Not a jot" says my mate "I'll phone them up, pretend to be your brother and tell them you're sick and can't come in!". Matey goes ahead and makes the call. Great, except for the minor detail i'd forgotten :- my brother worked for them for years and still spoke to them on a regular basis so would clearly see through such a foolish scheme. *Fucksocks*
Result:- They did, and I was never asked back to do another shift and was given dirty looks whenever I went in for shopping! Great night out though!
*Pop* Sat in the bushes stalking for far too long!
(Fri 9th Jun 2006, 20:11, More)