b3ta.com user skipping merrily
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» Stupid Dares

Dares
In a former life, myself and 4 of my mates had the misfortune to go to Benidorm for two weeks of sitting by a pool and going bright red.
In a bar one night, Darren (for twas his name) bet everybody in our group that the holiday beast-a-thon was upon us. The winner would be the person who pulled the worst looking woman they could find. Now, none of us are good looking, so I'd say that we were really some other group's bet. Anyhoo, about 4 days later I am getting up to the strains of grunting from the living room in the villa. Cue Darren, going at it like the clappers with two women and a man. Now, I am not one to judge, but after the party had left; all of the rest of us gave Darren his winnings (around £200) and all unanimously told him he'd won - his crime???????
Girl I had pulled two nights ago. He did her mum and grandma, with another bloke.

Good work fella*shudder*
(Fri 2nd Nov 2007, 16:05, More)

» Insults

QOTW
Best insult I heard recently was i think on here - "I'd rather wank with a fistful of angry bees"
Classy.

Overheard at a sporting event in the summer - fuck off you arsebadger.
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 16:44, More)

» Crazy Relatives

Crazy Relatives
First Post so be gentle.
My mum has five sisters, most of them are nuts.
The eldest lives in an absolute pigsty, i mean absolutely hideous.
A few years ago her grandchildren came to stay at her house, now the place was so dirty that her heart pills and other pills were liberally strewn about the house floor. Cue younger grandchild eating a load of pills off the floor and being hospitalised. She then had the nerve to suggest that it was her husbands fault for not warning her grandchildren to avoid eating the pills on the floor, when that didn't wash she said "it's fine, they don't do anything for me".
For me the best thing I ever experienced when I stayed with them was when she rang my mum (200+ miles away) and asking my mum to ring me (about 20 feet away) on my mobile to make her a cup of tea.

Absolute hatstand.

length - nothing to write home about.
(Fri 6th Jul 2007, 13:05, More)

» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

Exams
I used to work for an exam board who shall rename nameless.
Problem a few years back on geography exam - Map insert had no actual symbols on it so the OS questions couldn't be answered.
When reported at a meeting, boss said - "It doesn't matter - if enough people complain we'll do what normally happens and give them A's"
(Fri 28th Sep 2007, 19:13, More)

» * PFFT *

PFFT!
This particular piece of badness happened a couple of years ago in my mates car. 3 of us had been drinking bitter and eating onion rings in a pub when the driver decided enough was enough and said "sod it, who wants to go for a drive"?
halfway to our destination my mate and I uttered two of the worst farts imaginable, low noise but rancid smell. about 30-40 seconds later the car is stopped, the driver gets out and proceeds to vomit on his car bonnet, not being able to get to the roadside in time. sorry man, we shouldn't have laughed as hard as we did.
(Fri 13th Jul 2007, 18:43, More)
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