b3ta.com user FlexAlux
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» Council Cunts

Cheeky Cnuts
Council tax re-evaluers want to charge us more if we live in a nice area.

That ought to mean discounts for those of us who live in rough areas.

We have a huge council house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of fierce dogs.

Her car isn't taxed or insured, and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.

Her bad tempered old man is famous for upsetting foreigners with racist comments.

A shopkeeper blames him for ordering the murder of his son and his son's girlfriend, but nothing has been proved yet.

All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.

Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always seen out in nightclubs.

The family's odd antics are always in the papers.

They are totally out of control.

Honestly - who'd live near Windsor Castle?
(Fri 27th Jul 2007, 15:50, More)

» Voyeurism

I watched silently
as many sad, lonely people posted their poor attempts of erotic fiction on a website once.

Oh, Wait a minute.....
(Fri 12th Oct 2007, 13:53, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

Pigeon Versus Corsa
On the way to Cambridge earlier this year a pigeon decided to fly head on with the corner of my cars windscreen whilst on the motorway.

Missus was devastated, wouldn't shut up about it.....kept looking at the imprint with tears in her eyes.

"Maybe it survived, we should go back and help it!!!"

"No chance, say it was flying at 15mph, thats a collision of 85mph. It DID NOT survive"

"I wonder what went through it's mind....."

"a Corsa"

She didn't talk to me for a while after that.
(Mon 10th Dec 2007, 13:37, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

My Dear Old Mum...
works for our local council and had to attend a 'race awareness' workshop as part of her mandatory training. No worries she thought as she'd been in the same job for about 10 years and had worked well with the multicultural workforce.

Anyway, she turns up and is the only white woman in a room of 30 Black and Asian workers with a Black African woman holding the training.

Fair enough she thought, we are all on an equal footing due to the council being an equal opportunities employer and she won't be singled out....

"You" Bellowed the voice and pointed to my Mum

"How do YOU view racism"

"erm....." Mum stumbled "I just treat everyone how I would expect to be treated regardless of the colour of their skin.."

Good answer I thought... unfortunately no.....

Mum was suspended for 3 months without pay pending an investigation due a to her comment being racist, the reason? Being 'colour blind' means that Mum did not recognise or appreciate the oppression that Black people still had to live with due to the slavery and apartheid in their history.

Eventually the council saw sense and re-instated her.

Apologies for lack of humor!

Length - Never had any complaints before...
(Thu 22nd Nov 2007, 15:49, More)

» Shoplifting

Back when I was about 13 or so Maplin used to sell Tamiya car parts and I needed ONE wheel bearing.

They only sold packs of 4.

I only had a fiver including my bus fare home, they wanted £7 for four

I opened the only packet slyly and slipped one item into my inside pocket. Not bad so far but I felt I needed a cover for my henious crime so I took the defiled packet to the checkout and asked if this was the only stock they had as there seemed to be one missing. They didn't but if I wanted to buy the opened packet I could have it for a quid! Bonus.

AND I had enough change to get a chip buttie with scraps.

good times.
(Fri 11th Jan 2008, 11:38, More)
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