» Cheap Tat

My grandad recently bought a coat from a charity shop...
He came to my house beeming with delight and showed off his new coat. For starters, he said it was real leather when it was obviously some cheap plastic crap that had never seen a cow.

Then he stated it was "designer" proudly. Now I know oldies aren't famed for their style but he looked like an eastern European taxi driver in a deep communist winter.

He said after buying it he put his hands in the pockets and pulled out about ten plastic bags from every pocket and gave them back to the shop.

To finish, the coat had dandruff. For whatever reason as he walked he left a gently fluttering trail of white powdery stuff - I really do dread to think.

Needless to say he's chuffed to bits with it...
(Fri 4th Jan 2008, 16:03, More)

» Terrible food

I don't do service station food.
Was on the way to somewhere and was starving beyond belief so I went into a motorway services for anything to eat.

The (then) attraction of a full breakfast was strong so I got one with everything for some horrendous charge.

Finished eating it and instantly knew something was wrong - very wrong.

I got up, ran towards the toilets but couldn't get all the way, and ended up projectile vomiting not only infront of the people queing for full breakfasts but a coachload of old people who'd just came in for a toilet break.

So embarassing.

I never eat at service stations now...
(Sun 20th May 2007, 12:03, More)

» Failed

I failed my driving test for speeding!
Silly bitch I'll call Jackie (as that's her name) said I was doing 40 in a 30 limit.

Second attempt is soon.
(Fri 5th Jan 2007, 13:21, More)