b3ta.com user batmowes
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» Helicopter Parents

Sibling Rivalry
My parents are a funny pair, but not dissimilar from the norm apparently in treating my sister and I completely differently.

She's 2/3 years older than me depending on what month it is, and has ALWAYS gotten her way. That's not just sibling rivalry, she always did. I was often left wanting where she would get her hearts desire. She always got the bigger room in the house's we lived in, she usually got better or more extravagant birthday/christmas presents. She always got exactly what she wanted from our parents, case and point:

My dad being in the services, we moved around a lot when we were growing up. Kids being kids, we invariably got bullied for being the new kids, and once you've been bullied you're pretty much a professional victim for the remainder of your time at school. I dealt with this, there were others that got it worse, so I shouldn't complain. The elder sibling however moaned and bitched and complained until mum and dad moved her to the posh school down the road..... where she got bullied again and ended up barely scraping through her GCSE's before plodding off to -and dropping out of - college.

I, on the other hand, put up with the abuse (verbal and occasionally physical) and managed to pass with some reasonable grades a couple of years later. I attempted A levels, but had recently discovered women and the pub so was on a steam train to fail town.

By now, the elder child has gotten engaged and moved out and is about 10-15k in personal debt with her FianceĀ“, with both parents hovering over her constantly picking up the tab and offering advice which she often refused to take.

About this time, I received the ONLY piece of helicopter like parenting I can recall immediately; sat in the kitchen drinking tea one morning my mum thrusts the job section of the newspaper in front of me, with one finger on an advert for Advanced Modern Apprentices: "you should look into this, I think you'd do well at it, it's more hands on than school and you might enjoy it more. And it pays...". To be honest, I wasn't that interested, but not to look a gift horse in the mouth I agreed to apply. Then came a letter saying I was to attend an aptitude test, then another offering an interview. And following the interview, a third letter offering me a place in the scheme.

Long story short, 8 years on and I'm a 25 year old qualified electrical and electronic engineer earning the national average with a property, a car and a fiancee all to my name (don't tell her I said that), and hopefully soon some little Batmowes's flitting about. The sibling; estranged husband, 2 young kids, housing association house in a dodgy little village, owing money to most of the family. And still has our (divorced) parents hovering over her constantly trying to remedy things for her.

Hand on heart, I think I got the better deal.
(Mon 14th Sep 2009, 19:20, More)

» Pointless Experiments

The One and Only
Me and my mate Richard have spent today trying to establish how many times you can hear the Chesney Hawkes classic "The One and Only" before you want to disembowel yourself with a stale kipper.....

52 plays and counting.

Length? 3 minutes 43 seconds.


Edit: Richard has just raised his arms triumphantly and proclaimed "I'M MENTIONED ON B3TA". Click I like this if I should tell further, more embaressing tales of him.

re-edit: Made it to 100 and felt like a part of me had died inside, turned it off. tomorrow: Rick Astley.
(Wed 30th Jul 2008, 11:46, More)

» Social Networking Gaffes

The Facebook Stalker
Prior to finding true love with my current missus, I was affectionately known by many friends and colleagues as "The Facebook Stalker". You see, I'm quite a shy and timid person when it comes to the opposite sex and the thought of actually talking to a girl I liked the look of has actually caused me to vomit on one or two occasions.

Because of this I thought it a good idea to actually find out some things about whatever girl had taken my eye that day in order to decide if it was even worth the hassle, this was largely determined on pictoral evidence as apposed to actually reading anything, I mean, everyone lies on these things anyway right?

So what I would do, is find out their full name, or if we had any mutual acquatances, and then take a quick look on facebook or the other one and see if they had a profile. Once located I would add them with a comment along the lines of "Hey, I think we know each other through X so I thought I would add you, how are you". This usually resulted in a new "friend" and a couple of messages to and fro before one or both of us got either bored or uncomfortable.

No punchline per-say, but now that I'm in a healthy, happy relationship, may I just say:

Lauren, Sue, Mel, Hannah, the other Hannah, Ellie, Louise, Caroline and Stephanie; I'm very sorry for adding you, sending you a few messages and then not talking to you again once I found out you were involved/pregnant/not interested/a bit of a nutter/boring.
(Sun 14th Sep 2008, 21:12, More)

» Pointless Experiments

Can I borrow your chapstick?
More of a bet than an experiment, but it did make for interesting results...

I spent some time in Afghanistan last year, which among other things can at times be pretty boring.
During a tea break one day, bored out of my skull, I offered to eat my chapstick for a single US dollar, an offer taken up promptly by the guys I was with who put in a dollar between them.
Much hilarity ensued as I forced down the rose flavored goo, but unfortunatly I overlooked three important things:

1) being quite waxy it stuck to my teeth, mouth and tongue, meaning I could only taste wax for about 3 days.

2) The stuff chapsticks are made of is a reasonably efficient laxative.


3) The chapstick cost me $1.50.

So in effect I paid 50 cents to spend the afternoon doubled over on the bog, scraping my tongue with my teeth to try and remove the taste.

Luckily it was only about an inch long....
(Wed 30th Jul 2008, 14:29, More)

» My most gullible moment

Managed to convince an Ex that Christmas was in June in the land down under due to the differentiation of the seasons.

Gotta love shaggin a hairdresser.
(Mon 25th Aug 2008, 18:39, More)
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