» The Soundtrack of your Life

Pulp - Common People
I was travelling around Canada in January 2007 where Id met a particularly nice English girl in a bar in Toronto. Shed been trying to convince me to go to Australia with her to work for a while. At the time I wasnt sure, Id been out of uni since the previous summer working in a bar in Birmingham and was thinking maybe I should go home and get a career etc. One day sitting on the sea wall in Stanley Park, Vancouver listening to that song I had a complete change of heart. Fuck it I though, Ill only regret if I dont. Two days later I had a work visa and a one way ticket to Melbourne. She stayed a month, I stayed two years.
Even now it still reminds me of that afternoon in Stanley Park and how excited I was about everything that was happening in my life at the time.
(Thu 28th Jan 2010, 16:12, More)

» The Worst Journey in the World

Trains
Last year sometime, I think it was Feb/March time, me and friend decided to hop on the train into London to see God Forbid at the Underworld. Journey down there was fine and despite an unfortunate encounter with a chav outside the venue we had a cracking time. A few beers afterwards at The Worlds End. The journey back was less fun. Got stuck on the last train that stops at all stations between Euston and MK Central. Stuck in the middle of the carriage I fight my way to the toilet.
Two stops along we all have to get off onto coaches. Coaches that dont have toilets which I seem to need as soon as I sit down. Eventually we pull into a random station in the middle of nowhere. Only about four of us on the coach. I ask the driver he minds waiting for a few minutes while I empty the old bladder. Not at all, he tells me he will wait till I get back.
Which he doesnt. I end up having to chase the coach and jumping infront of it at a crossroads. He said he forgot.

Good gig though.
(Thu 7th Sep 2006, 23:52, More)

» Barred

All those previously barred from The Gate are still barred.
I once got barred from a somewhat grotty dive in the nearby town of Colley Gate. The Gate pub. If you live around here you probably know of its reputation. Went in there, underage, after a few hours drinking at other places. Quite drunk. Our age was the reason for the barring. There is a sign in the window that states "All those previously barred from The Gate are still barred" Classy place.
Ive been thrown out of a few places around the world. Mainly in America. I got chucked out from New York, New York in Vegas. Id been in town less than 8 hours. Met some drunken Aussies in our hostel. This ended up as a drinking contest in various casinos. He collapsed and vomited everywhere. I went back the next night.
The Viper Room in LA has what has to be the best bouncer in the world. Good sense of humour and extremely friendly with everyone in there. I was giving him grief by hanging half in and out of the club so I could try smoking and drinking at the same time. It was my way of trying to get round Californias smoking laws. In the end he roared loudly picked me up and placed me right in the middle of the bar. Shouted "stay here" then trundled off. Off topic but I think its a funny story :)

Broad St in Birmingham I also got ejected quite roughly from Henry J Beans. About four years ago we were celebrating our A level results. Mike, a rare drinker in our group, was extremly drunk. We sat down after coming from the bar. He threw up all over the table. I grabbed him, threw him into a booth and gave him a pitcher I found nearby. He filled two of those things. The booth next to us in the end got the bouncer. He kicked everyone out but me. Instead he dragged me round to the back, no idea why it was me, gave me a right bollocking about how I was going to take that chap home. He then literally threw me out of the door.
I dont go to Broad St anymore. Too many chavs and it the place always breaks out in violence.
(Sat 2nd Sep 2006, 13:11, More)

» How clean is your house?


2nd year of university we had a particular bad house. We let the kitchen get into such states that whenever we did clean, it took four of us over three hours. After a while we got a housemates girlfriend roped in too, as she was nearly living there. I recall oven trays and frying pans with inches of hardened grease on them. One of our more legendary housemates sometimes just used to reheat the pan and reuse that grease.
We also developed a really bad problem of never getting up on time to put our rubbish out for collection so we started throwing the bags into the empty shed in our garden. By February it had filled up and we just left it too its rotting. Come the end of the year we thought we had better empty it out or we might lose our deposits(we lost them anyway). Ill never forget that putrid vile stench when we opened the door. There were alot of maggots and also a rat that looked very well fed.
A year or so after this the house featured on a program showcasing the worst student houses in the UK. I can really see it. Despite our filthiness the place had a big damp problem making one guy really sick. No heating despite repeated attempts to get the boiler fixed and the backdoor was wedged into place. If you pushed it fell out.

The only place Ive ever lived more filthy than that was the All Nations Backpackers in Melbourne. The bedbugs were that big we gave em names.
(Fri 26th Mar 2010, 13:33, More)

» Encounters with Royalty

Slut Queen
I once came face to face with The Queen of Sluts, Paris Hilton, while I was in Los Angeles.

About 5ft high and an extremly impolite person. Still would have, just to sell the story afterwards.
(Fri 4th Aug 2006, 10:11, More)