b3ta.com user i eat crayons
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» God

i'm not the kind of person who believes in god but..
on the day of my youngest cousins christening, i was sure someone up there liked me.

my great grandma is not a nice women. she acts horrible towards people, plays people off against one another and she always has done throughout her life.
at my cousins christening i showed up to be met with the usual

"are you still wearing that goff stuff?" (i was wearing a black skirt)
"so that nice boy get sick of you?"
"why are you so fat?" (i'm a uk size 8)
"you should go to church more often why don't you go!?"

the "why don't you go to church?" thing then turned into a rant about how god was going to smite me down the minute i stepped into the church.

my great grandma decided she was going to be the first one out of us to walk into the church.
as she did the door slammed back as she was half way through it, hitting her in the face and pushing her out of the church.

i guess thats the closest to a smiting i could have hoped for.

(Thu 19th Mar 2009, 17:02, More)

» Spoilt Brats

school trip
when i was 14 i went on a school trip to stratford. about 15 of us were put into a group and were told to walk to this park and meet our teacher. on the way there we passed two boys the same age as us, sat on a wall. as we walked passed one of the boys said, in a rather posh accent "i hate public school children, they're just so horrible"

you can imagine how much his view of children from public school changed when soon after he found he'd been pushed off the wall.

(Fri 10th Oct 2008, 17:56, More)

» Oldies vs Computers

nan vs the computer
my nan had just got a computer and she was on microsoft word and she
wanted to know what was wrong because one of her words had been
underlined in red so i told her it was a spelling mistake and
to RIGHT CLICK to see how the word should be spelt.

next thing she shouted its not working. so i went over to see what
was wrong and pissed myself laughing

she'd wrote CLICK in the middle of the page.

aww bless her
(Fri 22nd Sep 2006, 16:38, More)

» Insults

my sister was arguing with my dad a while back and it went something like this:

Sister: well your fat, least i'm not fat.
Dad: yea well your mum shat on your head when you were born!

she then ran crying over to my mum and started screaming "DID YOU?!!TELL ME NOW!"

(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 16:17, More)

» Lies I told on my CV

i'm 15 so never had a cv but....
from readin some of these posts i've realised
you can make anything sound good:
watching tv = enjoys media studies
playin on the ps2 on tekken = involved in self defence activities
knows how to make a pot noodle = talented chef
(Wed 12th Jul 2006, 18:22, More)
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