» Going Too Far

"the pegs, the pegs!"
so i was at a party last weekend, my friends parents were out(you know the drill), lots of people, somebody bought a load of weirdos, who discovered the peg carrier/bag in the kitchen and proceeded to put pegs on everything.
come the next morning, my friend walks in and says "theres pegs everywhere!", he was right, but he didnt realise it, there were alot, so we collected them, but the peg bag was still only half full, sod it, we carried on cleaning. somebody had pissed in the sink and i went to find some sink cleaner underneath the sink, the copper piping was covered in pegs and a new level of peg hunting began. they were everywhere, behind the curtain rails, on light fittings, books... everything (they were quite literally "coming out of the god damn walls!"), we were drunk, but we weren't that drunk and none of us had seen anybody pegging to this scale. they took it too far, whoever they were

(we still havent found all the pegs, they're there though)
(Sat 11th Nov 2006, 23:48, More)

» Secret Santa

possible eye damage...
i was in year seven and being at the school 3 months or so i had made my enemies and one of them got me as their secret santa. i bought him some weird bouncy squidgy thing filled with vile looking cloudy glittery water. being quite into modelling at the time i knew the effects of a good dose of plastic glue on a bit of thin rubber. 5 minutes before unwrapping time i made a concentrated patch of plastic glue on this thing and hastily wrapped it up. on the first squeeze the thing exploded at this weakened point covering this kid in crap, cue him having to wash out his eyes for half an hour. it looked innocent, and it was all the sweeter that he'd positioned it to fire into his face.
(Sat 16th Dec 2006, 17:54, More)

» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

an out of control party...
led to the police being called after the windows started getting smashed, the blue lights showed and i locked myself into the cupboard under the stairs, set my phone alarm for 3am and tried to go to sleep. woke up at 3am and unlocked myself(after a mild panic) and climbed out of one of said broken windows to freedom. the next afternoon i heard of the chasedown and overnight arrest of many drunken people by 10 policemen, rejiggling the phrase "you can hide, but you cant run".
(Fri 29th Dec 2006, 18:20, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

there's this
kid in my year who weighed in at 106kg in year 8 in our physics lesson, he has grown up and out since and stands just under 6 foot. im not a particular fat fachist so ive never made a point of his weight. We're in year 11 now approaching GCSEs, this kid (fat matt) draws trains in lessons, my latest glimpse of his creations today were entitled "little western". He's been doing this since year 7 and idles over trains every hour of his most likely to be short life. furthermore, we attend one of the best grammar schools in the county, but matt, is only aiming for Cs in maths and English at GCSE and is then cottoning off to work for south west trains at whatever he weighs then. This fetish for piston driven locomotives has completely socially isolated him and for at least the last 2 years has been talking to himself, he also has some mild spasm meaning his head is constantly jerking up and down.

No apology for length, matt can be held to account for this dimension... so maybe i'm a bit of a fat fachist.
(Mon 22nd Jan 2007, 18:12, More)

» Not Losing Your Virginity

I hate sports for good reasons
i always keep a condom in my wallet, and with a few friends the day before we decided to play volleyball with it, second bounce and it popped.
Next day: we were both lying naked and i had the ghastly realisation i had not replaced the condom, balls, i told her i'd forgotten it, she reminded me that i said i always kept one in my wallet... i managed to struggle out of this tight spot, not telling her about the volleyball incident. screw it, we shagged the next week.
(Fri 27th Oct 2006, 17:59, More)