b3ta.com user The_New_Phooey
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I cant draw.

I cant tatty shop

Sometimes I have funny/sick ideas that I represent using primative computerised art, as good as your 4 year old may produce at playschool.

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» Work Experience

Phoo Learns about Chemistry
Well, Im a scientific type, and have been since those halcyon days at school...

So, being top of the science tree, I got a work experience placement at the local HUGE employer to work in one of their laboratories at a realy shitty end of the plant. It was science Jim but not as I knew it, grease and cack absolutely caked the place, this was no place for white coats!
So, during the placement I get talking to one of the oppo's and it sort of comes about that I like science cos Im a bit of a pyro. This chap is typical dodgey lab fodder... too many years around solvents, jam jar bottom glasses magnifying the odd twink in his eye.
"Oh" he says, "you might want a read of this, all the stuff we do in here is shit, but at christmas we make the fireworks out of this book"
At this point he puts into my hand not one of the great academic tomes by such scientific greats as Bhadesha or Atkins, no, its a very well thumbed copy of "The Anarchists Cookbook" : now some years on considered reasonable grounds for the rossers to hold you indefinitely as they fit you up for terrorism. I spent most of the next week reading it when not working, and at the end of the week he said "here, Ive photocopied it for you...." thus setting up two occasions where I nearly landed up in SERIOUS crap ( once including running from the law as my home made rocket fueled on sulfur and match heads was warming up for launch, the second where my "Beer Can Orange Cannon" was fired in a little less than indiscriminatory fashion )

I ended up working for the company (and still do, thus the reason why as to no clues about the business) and asked if he was still creating "projects" from the book.
"No" he answered, "but I have built a tesla coil in my garage..."

Click I like this cos its true and not some contrived shite that someone is posting claiming as their own when they heard it from a bloke in the pub, make me a B3ta darling!
(Fri 11th May 2007, 17:14, More)

» School Trips

Canals Trip Near Death Experience
I've sat reading these stories and realised that for once I have on of my own!

Second Year at comp. ( year 8 to you fangled youngsters ) we had a week long canals trip, ostensibly to see the industrial heriatage and do some geography type stuff. Being a boat full of lads we were for ever buggering about, such that almost killed me. When ever the canal passes under a bridge the sides of the canal narrow so one could jump off the boat, back to shore and back to the boat again. So of course the challenge became how many times can you do, per bridge, with the boat still moving.

Its The_New_Phoo's turn, 1st boat dismount flawless, now for the return... O dear, a slip. Im now up to my neck in manky midlands canal... my best mate ( Dave )is at the helm being watched by our Boats "Captain" Mr Morgan the Chemistry teacher who is now yelling "GET OUT THE WATER!" well I didnt need telling twice so I pulled myself onto the concrete I'd just jumped from, little legs dangling over the sides. "MOVE YOUR BLOODY LEGS!" he shouts again, so of course I did, a split second after which the boat ( 20-30 tonnes of it )grates against the concrete.

THe boat coasts past, with both best mate and teacher ashen grey "Fookin 'ell you ok" said me mate "Aye" I reply. "Ok, Ill stop at next bridge for ya" so after me dunking I get a half mile walk along an overgrown towpath, piss wet through getting nettled and scratched by brambles. Me an me mate still talk about the day he nearly killed me.

Same trip, minor gas leak from the stove results in the unpopular kid, with two streamers of ever present greenies groaning "gassssssss" and acting all over come. He got ripped for that for the rest of our school career.
(Sat 9th Dec 2006, 10:23, More)