b3ta.com user Neddy Nedson
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» * PFFT *

A convenient place...
... to let one go is normally, well, a public convenience.

Not very long ago, I had a late night stop at a motorway services. First port of call was the cludge, and as I entered so did another chap. I entered one cubicle, he entered another. But horror of horrors, I realised that before the stool, there was an immense gas build up, and my gut feeling was that it was going to come out loud. I didn't want to embarrass myself by farting so loudly when it's so obviously me. No matter, thinks I, I'll hold it until he drops his load.

But no sound came from his stall. I desperation, I try to let some out quietly. But that just wasn't going to happen. It trumepeted, and the reverb from the bowl and an otherwise empty set of toilets was impressive. Mid-fart, I hear giggling coming from the other chap, closely followed, nay, concurrent with, a fart of similar timbre from him. Well, that set me off, and had anyone else entered the loos they would have been greeted by the sound of two strangers farting, giggling and dropping their loads. A quite delightful symphony!
(Fri 13th Jul 2007, 23:06, More)

» Accidental innuendo

Macclsefield Hardware...

(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 17:42, More)

» Nativity Plays

King of kings
I've always been a sod for wilful misunderstanding. When one of my primary school teachers told me to look at her while talking to her, I went behind her and looked at her back. So, when I got the role of one of the three kings in the church nativity play, an idea formed...

My mother asked me what costume I needed, and I told her not to worry, as we had just the thing in our dressing up box (which, barring a few items, was mostly my mother's old clothes). And so, with her characteristic disinterest, she didn't question me any further.

As was typical, all bar the final rehearsal were in our normal clothes, during Sunday School. Incidentally, I don't recall learning anything at Sunday school, just some song about being a bear and thanking the lord for it. Is this the same for anyone else?

Dress rehearsal came. It was a week before the performance, and I gleefully ran off to change into my King costume. Suffice to say, this was one of the few costumes from the dressing up box which was genuinely fancy dress.

A gorilla suit.

Yes, the King I had chosen to be was King Kong.

Cue instant demotion to a silent shepherd, where the costume was a fucking teatowel on my head, while some goody two-shoes kid who probably still believes in god today had to learn the two or three lines of a King.

I think the following year I was demoted further, to being a sheep. I've no idea why though.
(Tue 31st Mar 2009, 5:01, More)

» Guilty Secrets

Overgrown bush...
Aside from a youth of drugs, booze and non-fidelity, I can only really think of one guilty secret...

On a few occassions, I stopped in a random garden on my way back from the pub for a wank in their bushes.
(Sun 2nd Sep 2007, 19:24, More)

» Terrible food

Maternal madness
While she was on mat. leave, Mrs Nedson wiped a bogey off our baby daughters face, and ATE IT! I don't even eat my own...

Ewwww. I couldn't kiss her for a week after.
(Wed 23rd May 2007, 13:07, More)
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