b3ta.com user not-a-brit
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She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore, and that I had to quit
Then I caught her buying £50 makeup
I asked her why I had to give up stuff and she didn't
She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me
I told her that was what the beer was for

... I don't think she's coming back

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Best answers to questions:

» Apparently I'm a sex offender

I remember
Being in school and telling the girls to hold their two hands together for 25 seconds and then have them try to make their elbows touch. Needless to say, none could do it, but they did take their sweet time trying...

I think every man has a "hand in pocket fiddling with something" story, we should all have about thirty of them.
(Thu 17th Aug 2006, 22:51, More)

» The Worst Journey in the World

I'm always prepared...
I've had many close encounters with bastards on the buses, but I'm always careful to constantly be cleaning my nails with a pocket knife. Some stupid git came up with his friends and asked why I'd carry a useless knife, it's only 10cm long. They didn't notice the 35cm knife hanging off my hip. I take it out and reply, "because it's too hard to pick my nails with this."

I'm not exactly the strongest build and I'm only 10 stone, but when a knife like that comes into view, you are instantly the alpha male. Just make sure no one else sees it that doesn't need to. Fecking cops stop me every 5 minutes when I forget about it.
(Fri 8th Sep 2006, 7:24, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

There a doctor in the house?
Spanglemonkey, tell that kid to take two Advil in suppository form and make sure he puts them in the right hole.
(Wed 19th Jul 2006, 2:43, More)

» Running away

The not-so great escape
One day I decided to take my little bicycle out and run off from my home in a farming community. I made it six miles to one of the local shops before my mother noticed me riding along.
(Tue 15th Aug 2006, 3:15, More)