b3ta.com user Chester Elegante
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» Barred

Call that a pub?
Some uni mates and I went off to the Lloyds Bar in St Albans for a few jars, hoping to enjoy the reasonable prices we have all come to know and love from the J D Weatherspoons chain of public houses (and get totally shitted (technical term)).

On arrival we see a sign proudly displaying the following:

"No Trainers
No Smoking througout."

Balls to the bouncers, we barred ourselves.
Call that a pub? Pah!
(Fri 1st Sep 2006, 17:31, More)

» I Quit!

I'm going traveling?
After my A-Levels I started to temp for the finance arm of a well known motor company who shall remain unnamed (but let's just say they make the "Ford Mondeo" (wink wink))

Next thing I know it's four years later and I'm still there. Moving up the ranks I find myself in the Internal Auditing department. Yes, it is as boring as it sounds.

It was the most depressing year of my life so one day I just decided to quit. The hope being that it would force me into doing something about my life through lack of income. The chat I had with my boss went thusly:

"I've decided that I would like to hand in my notice."
"Oh OK. Who's stolen you away from us then?"
"No one, I've not got another job lined up."
"Oh. Then why are you leaving?"
"I really hate my job."
"Oh, ok then."

On my last day I recieve a card from all my loving co-workers expressing their good wishes for my trip and jealously that they hadn't gone travelling when they had the chance. I then had to explain to everyone that I wasn't going travelling and I was leaving because had I spent one more day sitting in that fucking chair i would have gone totally fucking postal on the lot of them.

Miss Bosslady looked like a right twunt. She just couldn't tell them that I was leaving becuase I thought the job that we all did was dull as fuck. I'm Auditing? Come on!

Now I think of it I had some very Camus sensibilities in my youth.
(Fri 23rd May 2008, 16:11, More)

» Accidental innuendo

London to Brighton
A friend of mine who is of the homosexual persuasion recently completed the London to Brighton bike ride. Me and Mrs Elegante met him for a pint last night...

Mrs E: So Paul, been up to anything exciting lately?
Paul: Yeah, I did the London to Brighton cycle last weekend.
Mrs E: Wow! You must have such a sore bum!

Hilarity, of course, ensued (from me at least, they thought my sniggers were both immature and insensitive.)
(Wed 18th Jun 2008, 8:42, More)

» Thrown away: The stuff you loved and lost.

I had a Star Wars figures story...
...that lost all its potency.
(Fri 15th Aug 2008, 10:34, More)