» I hurt my rude bits

Perineal Trauma
It's my first time, be gentle with my bits...

Some years back on a stag weekend on Torquay, we were doing the Saturday morning golf ritual at the local pitch and putt. At the last hole, I hit my ball way too far and it went over the railings. These were only half-height ones, with a bottom rail, a top rail at just below waist height and a flat-topped spike on top. I made it over OK to retrieve my ball by stepping ont he top rail, but on the way back, realised that the the gap from bottom rail to top of spike was a couple of inches longer than my inside leg. That's when my foot slipped and I found myslef dangling, feet in the air with a spike in between my legs.

Managed to peel myself off, felt underneath that my jeans had been ripped and thought 'Phew that was close - could have been nasty!' as the morning progressed however, nasty it most certainly became.

Anyway, tried a couple of pints to anaesthetise it but had to go back to the hotel because of the pain, couldn't pee because of the swelling, went to A&E and got told to wait in the cubicle and try to pee into a jug (case notes listed it as 'Perineal trauma' i.e. the bits that girlies sometimes have to have snipped when giving birth). Couldn't for a couple of hours so they admitted me overnight.

Cue procession of doctors and nurses coming round for a peek at the damage - overnight the bruises appeared - all the way up to the small of my back and all the way to the end of the old feller - all in the pre-digital camera days thank God!
(Wed 19th Jul 2006, 12:30, More)