b3ta.com user KaiserPro
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This is my personal website for those that care.

Perv on me at myspace, you vouyeristic nob jockies

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» Well, that taught 'em

That taught him
This story isnt about me, its about a girl who for the purposes of this answer we shall call boobies, (for that is roughly her name)

Anyway boobies is off abroad worshiping at the font of hedonism, somewhere in the former eastern block. Whilst there she dabbles her hand in many things including the odd spot of lesbianism.

All is well and good, however the girl that boobies dabbled with happens to be so taken with muff diving that she returns to blighty a new (if somewhat hairier*) woman. The only thing standing between her and a life time of pussy is her boyfriend.

So newly born lesbian using the powers of fiendish woman logic, concocts a plan with her best mate to relieve herself of boyfriend hassel free. Best friend proceeds to take boyfriend out to the pub get him rat arsed, she then falls on his sword gracefully.

everything falls in to place, Best friend informs lesbian that the dastedly dead has been performed, Lesbian prepares to dump incumbent boyfriend for crimes against monogamy.

however, when boyfriend comes round, flashbacks of the night beginning to pop into view. So distraught is he, he promptly writes a note to lesbian, jumps into his car and proceeds to get intimate with a tree at high speed.

that learnt him

Remember kids woman logic is potentially fatal.

*I do actually know fit lesbians, that shave. I also know a couple of hairy ones too
(Sun 29th Apr 2007, 18:02, More)

» Other people's diaries

real world example of why bloggs are for knobs
at uni we liked to play bogies in class. my relatively Chinese mate would start by abusing me racially and i'd more than willingly reply in like kind (kind of like Political correctness bogies)

all well and good.

towards the end of the third year, we started getting "extreme". seeing as how calculating the gain of parabolic dishes for the 5th time wasn't stimulating. we would start at your mum and work our way from there. the class had by now learnt to either join in, or filter our the constant murmur of cocks and balls.

one day i wasn't satisfyed with "boobies" any more, and by this point everyone was chatting away oblivious to whatever the lecturer was saying. so i decided to stand up and announce very loudly:

"just because i suck mens cocks, it doesn't mean i'm gay"*

i now have a stalker called kris.

I looked like a twat, but its was worth it as i won. but if we translate this to the "blogosphere" what do you win? if your lucky an "inr3d1bl3 0ff3r for \/iagr4"

kids: say no to blogs,

*i till this day hold the record for most points scored
(Fri 2nd Feb 2007, 16:23, More)

» DIY fashion

Well, i think this guy wins
Before we start two things: This isnt me, and no its not safe for work, or anywhere else.

this man Seems to enjoy exposing himself to the world clad in womens speedos.

To be fair its rather brave, and he must like them a lot judging by how many he has, and how much they cost each.

just imagine if a prospective employer was to google his name, its bring a whole new life to his "hobbies" section of his CV

he also has a guest book, which seems like he's just asking for abuse. mind you perhaps hes into that sort of thing

i think we can all formulate a visual knob gag on that one
(Wed 30th Aug 2006, 13:07, More)

» Terrible Parenting

I'm currently at a Camp in america
No, not a detention camp, but a day camp somewhere in the USA.

I have worked with lots of kids, aged 5 - 25 (and all my fellows in various IT depts.) this poor kid takes the biscuit.

He is 7 and supposedly got bipolar disorder, apart from he has never had a recorded depressive phase. still the parents gleefully dope him up on lithium, consigning him to a lifetime of drug taking, as the withdrawal symptoms of lithium are roughly a 33% chance of suicide.

they also fail to tell him off when he does bad things for example: him running into a very busy car park next to a main road, the parents were more concerned with who will be my co councilor than the fate of her son, and the support assistant chasing him.

as far as we can tell every time he misbehaves he appears to get a hug. hence his supposed "mania" he also seems to exhibit autistic traits (unable to correctly partake in conversations, not understanding social order, unable to empatise, unable to calculate peoples moods.)

oh and he is ginger.
(Tue 21st Aug 2007, 1:30, More)

» Going Too Far

Today i had to write a groveling apology.

As a part of my work I use Remote desktop (apples version) to monitor what people are doing in the labs. Occasionally i see something suspitious which requires further attention. (usally silently observing them, to see what they are up to)

All well and good, However one of my methods for flushing out wannabe hackers is to write random words and move the mouse around (usually the words penis, ooooOOooo, arse, boobies or thankfully in this case "nipples")

so here this person is doing something relativity innocuous, but on an admin account (either a admin member, or a someone else being a bastard) So as they were writing an email i inserted the word nipples. Nothing happened. Fair enough must be staff, logged out and carried on looking at slashdot.

However today my various bosses came up to me in varying stages of mirth to inform me that i was in deep shit and that i should write an email to explain why i did it.

However saying i was bored and mildly suspicious was possibly not the right tact. Also not to mention that if i knew it was a member of admin, I'd have probably written something far more abusive.

I also hope they don't read b3ta, otherwise i would well and truly be hoisted by my own perturb (or captain fucknutted)
(Wed 15th Nov 2006, 23:53, More)
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