Profile for afaguslae:
By all means hate them, the trick is not to let them know you hate them.
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By all means hate them, the trick is not to let them know you hate them.
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» School Trips
Monthly Ski trip !
I was a member of the school ski team (not particularly good, I just had no fear of falling at high speed ergo quite quick)
Every month we'd be hauled through from Glasgow to dear Auld Reekie to a place called Hillend (now renamed Midlothian Ski Centre), we'd train, fanny around yaddah yaddah etc. and about 10pm we'd all pack up and head off home via the regular chip shop stop (food of champions !).
Now this chippy still exists and the frontage consists of three equally-sized, floor to ceiling panes of glass with the door in the left one, the fryer in the middle and the staff working on the right. Each night there was a dirty rush from the coach to get served and as I mentioned, being pretty nippy on my pins I was generally at the front of the queue, with the mouth-breathers and others gallumphing along to the rear.
There's me standing at the counter, looks to my right over the poor wee chip shop assistants shoulder to see "Doc" run at full speed straight into what he thought was the opening side of the three glass panes on the front of the shop...the staff nearly shat themselves, it was a miracle the glass never broke, and "Doc" broke his nose and split two of his front teeth.
Until we left school that place was always known as Doc's.
[This is for Fraser]
"I don't cook, clean or swallow"
(Fri 8th Dec 2006, 13:50, More)
Monthly Ski trip !
I was a member of the school ski team (not particularly good, I just had no fear of falling at high speed ergo quite quick)
Every month we'd be hauled through from Glasgow to dear Auld Reekie to a place called Hillend (now renamed Midlothian Ski Centre), we'd train, fanny around yaddah yaddah etc. and about 10pm we'd all pack up and head off home via the regular chip shop stop (food of champions !).
Now this chippy still exists and the frontage consists of three equally-sized, floor to ceiling panes of glass with the door in the left one, the fryer in the middle and the staff working on the right. Each night there was a dirty rush from the coach to get served and as I mentioned, being pretty nippy on my pins I was generally at the front of the queue, with the mouth-breathers and others gallumphing along to the rear.
There's me standing at the counter, looks to my right over the poor wee chip shop assistants shoulder to see "Doc" run at full speed straight into what he thought was the opening side of the three glass panes on the front of the shop...the staff nearly shat themselves, it was a miracle the glass never broke, and "Doc" broke his nose and split two of his front teeth.
Until we left school that place was always known as Doc's.
[This is for Fraser]
"I don't cook, clean or swallow"
(Fri 8th Dec 2006, 13:50, More)
» Beautiful but Bonkers
Dippy bint
She (let's call her Jake, for t'was my pet name for her) helped pop my cherry and subsequently we stayed together for years. Only evidence of mentalism through all those years surfaced just weeks before my finals at Uni when she decided she'd had enough and wanted us to settle down.
"buh..buhh...I'm nearly finished 5 years of tertiary education sweetness then I'll be able to find a job and we can do all those things we've talked about"
"Nope...you're binned"
Fast forward a few weeks and I'm in a vodka-raddled oblivion with fook-all chance of doing my finals, when one of my flatmates comes home looking like his entire family has been eviscerated before his eyes. Turns out this stringy, good for nothing, slimy, weaselly f##ker had been giving my ex a shoulder to cry on during her time of distress and had been a little more supportive than intended (or not !) This news worked like a dunk in the North Sea, I sobered up, slithered through my finals scraping a degree then went home to the parentals and normal life.
Time goes by and I get a call - would I like to pop down to her parents ? (We stayed in the same town) I think about it and say OK...then experience the most surreal afternoon of my then young life. Her parents proud as you like, with their yowling grandchild. Completely oblivious to the pain and distress their dippy bitch of a daughter's subjected me to and the bint in question (obviously in post-maternal hormonal turmoil) clawing at me, trying to get me upstairs for a "quickie for old times sake"...FFS !
Got my sh#t together after that, and hooked up with a gorgeous girl I'd met during my lost couple of months before finals...she's now the missus :0)
[Postscript: Heard through the small town grapevine. Jake had settled down with an ex-mate of mine...Overweight, skin complaints, farted like a trooper and studied to be an accountant - so a real catch ! Jeez - hope he doesn't read B3ta...you could NOT mistake this story !!]
(Tue 21st Nov 2006, 14:11, More)
Dippy bint
She (let's call her Jake, for t'was my pet name for her) helped pop my cherry and subsequently we stayed together for years. Only evidence of mentalism through all those years surfaced just weeks before my finals at Uni when she decided she'd had enough and wanted us to settle down.
"buh..buhh...I'm nearly finished 5 years of tertiary education sweetness then I'll be able to find a job and we can do all those things we've talked about"
"Nope...you're binned"
Fast forward a few weeks and I'm in a vodka-raddled oblivion with fook-all chance of doing my finals, when one of my flatmates comes home looking like his entire family has been eviscerated before his eyes. Turns out this stringy, good for nothing, slimy, weaselly f##ker had been giving my ex a shoulder to cry on during her time of distress and had been a little more supportive than intended (or not !) This news worked like a dunk in the North Sea, I sobered up, slithered through my finals scraping a degree then went home to the parentals and normal life.
Time goes by and I get a call - would I like to pop down to her parents ? (We stayed in the same town) I think about it and say OK...then experience the most surreal afternoon of my then young life. Her parents proud as you like, with their yowling grandchild. Completely oblivious to the pain and distress their dippy bitch of a daughter's subjected me to and the bint in question (obviously in post-maternal hormonal turmoil) clawing at me, trying to get me upstairs for a "quickie for old times sake"...FFS !
Got my sh#t together after that, and hooked up with a gorgeous girl I'd met during my lost couple of months before finals...she's now the missus :0)
[Postscript: Heard through the small town grapevine. Jake had settled down with an ex-mate of mine...Overweight, skin complaints, farted like a trooper and studied to be an accountant - so a real catch ! Jeez - hope he doesn't read B3ta...you could NOT mistake this story !!]
(Tue 21st Nov 2006, 14:11, More)
» The Worst Journey in the World
what's that f##kin' smell ?
Spin back quite a few years to my dim and distant yoof...I live in central jockland with my folks, grandparents nerby but a lot of aunts/uncles and cousins my age live way the hell up north past the snowline !
Summer trips to visit them somewhere between buttf#ck and Peterhead (nice village as I recall) consisted of us all getting into my gran's mustard yellow austin allegro 1300 with a 8track tape deck and an apparently limitless supply of Jimmy Shand, The Alexander Brothers and Sydney FU#KIN' Devine cassettes. To top it off she (my old gran was lovely BTW) used to go collect her milk every day from the farm up the road from her house, fresh from the dairy, barely moments from the udder and return it to her house in a little alloy pail-thing with a loose fitting lid. End result = very fresh, creamy milk slopping out onto the footwell of the car. The stench rising from the carpet after 5hours driving north with the windows closed (it's Scotchland remember - it was invariably pissing down !) is something that still lives with me...to this day I cannot stand rank milk - strong cheese can give me the boak even !
Sorry - no buses, alocohol, foreign travel to funny countries, illicit substances (unless you count the smell of that lairy milk) Quite dull now I look back over it but it's obviously left an impression on me !
Length, girth...bah !
(Fri 8th Sep 2006, 16:11, More)
what's that f##kin' smell ?
Spin back quite a few years to my dim and distant yoof...I live in central jockland with my folks, grandparents nerby but a lot of aunts/uncles and cousins my age live way the hell up north past the snowline !
Summer trips to visit them somewhere between buttf#ck and Peterhead (nice village as I recall) consisted of us all getting into my gran's mustard yellow austin allegro 1300 with a 8track tape deck and an apparently limitless supply of Jimmy Shand, The Alexander Brothers and Sydney FU#KIN' Devine cassettes. To top it off she (my old gran was lovely BTW) used to go collect her milk every day from the farm up the road from her house, fresh from the dairy, barely moments from the udder and return it to her house in a little alloy pail-thing with a loose fitting lid. End result = very fresh, creamy milk slopping out onto the footwell of the car. The stench rising from the carpet after 5hours driving north with the windows closed (it's Scotchland remember - it was invariably pissing down !) is something that still lives with me...to this day I cannot stand rank milk - strong cheese can give me the boak even !
Sorry - no buses, alocohol, foreign travel to funny countries, illicit substances (unless you count the smell of that lairy milk) Quite dull now I look back over it but it's obviously left an impression on me !
Length, girth...bah !
(Fri 8th Sep 2006, 16:11, More)
» DIY fashion
Halloween
Went out guising (trick or treating - for the 'Merkins) one year with two or three pairs of underpants pinned to my sweater...I went as a 'chest of drawers'
Didn't get a lot of goodies that year I can tell you !!
(Fri 25th Aug 2006, 14:17, More)
Halloween
Went out guising (trick or treating - for the 'Merkins) one year with two or three pairs of underpants pinned to my sweater...I went as a 'chest of drawers'
Didn't get a lot of goodies that year I can tell you !!
(Fri 25th Aug 2006, 14:17, More)
» Inappropriate crushes
entirely appropriate I think you'll find !?
Renée Zellweger in her big passion-killing undies ?! I think I might need to see someone about that ?!
(Fri 29th Sep 2006, 10:48, More)
entirely appropriate I think you'll find !?
Renée Zellweger in her big passion-killing undies ?! I think I might need to see someone about that ?!
(Fri 29th Sep 2006, 10:48, More)