b3ta.com user heyrudi
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I really should post more, but I enjoy lurking. I had a front page once...

Recent front page messages:

Bit of a subtle one this

But I always thought they were the same thing really.
(Wed 14th Aug 2002, 14:27, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Shit Claims to Fame II

I bought Mitch Benn a JD & Coke
He bought me one back (I wasn't expecting that). What a nice chap.

Another time, I was waiting for Vic Reeves to pay for his petrol at a Tesco petrol station (there was no one else in the shop other than the girl on the till). The girl on the till was saying "I recognise you... What's your name?". Given that she had his credit/debit card in her hand (complete with his real name), Vic quite understandably answered "Jim Moir".

She looked confused, so Vic raised his shades (yes - dark glasses, indoors - I think he's grown out of that now) and said in a conspirational manner, "Vic Reeves". The girl on the till still looked puzzled and said "No... Sorry". Vic left, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.
(Fri 21st Sep 2012, 9:20, More)

» Heroes and villains of 2011

Villians: People who repost
links to this story repeatedly.
(Sat 31st Dec 2011, 15:49, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Don't play with it
As a small child (and often even now), I would often find myself far too involved in what I was doing to want to use the bathroom when my bladder was full. As all young males do, I would hold my willy when the urge came on. Whenever my mum saw this, she would tell me to "stop playing with yourself". This obviously wasn't enough and a little lie was required to cure this problem. I have a step brother who was circumsised as a baby. Myself and my brother weren't - so when we went swimming I saw it and being an innocent child asked my mother about it. She told me he'd had an operation and that was what they did to you if you didn't stop playing with it.

Shouldn't have been a problem, except I never realised (since I was scared to play with it) that the foreskin actually pulled back - at least not until I had to go to the doctors several years later complaining of severe pain at school - you see, if you don't know, urine can get stuck in there and turn very nasty indeed when you sit still for a while.

Thanks mum, but still love her.

That took so long to type, i'm dying for a slash...
(Sun 18th Jan 2004, 0:46, More)

» Kids say the shittiest things

Our delightful brat
Was giving me backchat the way that small children do. This was shortly before Christmas last year when the must-have toy was the re-released Furby. I tried this threat, "If you keep up the back chat we'll be having a bonfire this Christmas and it will be Furby shaped." Thinking this might hit a nerve. The reply came back quick as a flash "Great! Can we have marshmallows?"
(Mon 27th May 2013, 13:53, More)

» The Emergency Services

I fell over

In Bedford swimming pool and cracked my head open. It was a bit leaky but and hurt considerably, but I seemed to be OK. An ambulance was called and they took me off to the hospital where they superglued it. I now have a nice scar on the top of my head. This took 4 hours of course. The ambulance staff were great, the staff at the swimming pool were great. A&E sucks.
(Thu 16th May 2013, 11:39, More)
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