b3ta.com user maxumus
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30 year old male from Norwich, UK

IT manager and computer programmer geek, but currently unemployed

have a little girl (born 7th jan 2008) who is the most gorgeous little bundle of joy ever and im very proud of her...

Urm... cant think of anything else

So heres my facebook profile Click

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Best answers to questions:

» Karma

on my way to work
on the bus one morning when i were a little younger. the bus was a massive, slow and very old double decker,

coming into norwich on the ipswich road there is a section where 2 lanes merge into one and shortly after this there is a traffic island in the middle of the road, passing a car in the right hand lane at the last minute is dangerous as if u dont get into the lane in front of the car in time you would bounce off the island

one morning a lady in an old vw polo who was obviously late for something thought she would try it with a bus, rather priditably didn't make it and she ended up screeching to a halt in front of the traffic island and she sat there holding her horn down for a good 10 seconds as the bus truddled past.

Now mr bus driver (for that was his name) had done nothing wrong, he neither speeded up or slowed down and he had no need to slow down to give way to her as she was no where near the front of the bus when the lanes merged, in fact she was just about level with the back of the bus, any police officer or driving instructor would tell u to pull back and merge in behind the bus

I (and the rest of the passengers) assumed that was the end of it but oh no..... about half a mile up the road the bus pulls into a layby/bus stop to let people off and the woman comes roaring up and parks in front of the bus. Now no accident had occured so the bus driver had no reason at all to stop however when he then went to pull back out into traffic the woman decided to create an accident and reversed her car into the front of the bus, there followed much raising of voices between the drivers and someone on the bus called the police out,

the first good bit came when both drivers came back on the bus faced the passengers and the lady demanded "I need someones details as a witness" at least 3 people told her where she could stick her pen and paper, then the driver pipped up "i could use a witness" and the woman stared on as we all formed an orderly queue, when my turn came i noticed that some had written their details and some comments aswell

the second good part came as the police turned up i enjoyed telling the officer exactly how it happened and how it wasn't the bus drivers fault and even recited parts of the highway code all while the woman stood next to him turning redder and redder, i then sat down and watched the woman turn whiter and whiter as the officer simply told her that on the basis of initial evidence and witness statments he would be arresting her on dangerous and wreckless driving, endangering the public, breach of the public peace, criminal damage and some others...

i saw the driver some months later in a shop and asked about it..... all but 2 of the witnesses had replyed to the police questionare with almost identical information... the result ? she got 6 points and £400 fine and had a job where she was supposed to have a clean licence.... nice
(Thu 21st Feb 2008, 18:58, More)

» Karma

another 'karma comupance' bus story
this one happened a few yards down the road from the incident in my last story

sat on the bus one morning and was in a long tail back approching a major junction near the college, it was wet and grey everyone had wipers and lights on, the bus i was on was very old and rattled a lot, the suspension was obviously on its way out as everytime the driver creeped it forward in the traffic jam and breaked, the front of the bus would sort of bounce.

The knob head driver in front of the bus mistook this bouncing as the bus driver flashing his lights at him, unfortunatly it seems he also either woke up in a crap mood or the traffic jam had done it too him. He suddenly leapt out of his car slammed the door, walked round and punched the button to open the bus doors, stomped on and said loudly "WHY ARE YOU FLASHING YOUR LIGHTS AT ME ? IF YOU FLASH EM ONCE MORE IM GONNA SMACK YOU ONE" then stomped off and into his car once again, this left the bus driver and the rest of us pretty much gob smacked, the bloke wasnt even a yob in a saxo or an arrogant suit in a bmw, he was just a old middle aged man in a beaten up rover

we edged forward some more and of course on breaking the bus bounced some more the driver in front honked and waved his fist out the window and now the bus driver was getting worked up (not the same driver as before, not as calm) the we got a clear run of about 50 yards when some people jumped out of the queue and turned around, all the way down this 50 or so yards the driver bunny hopped his car in front of the bus doing lots of starting and stopping forcing the bus to brake lots and throwing everyone around (including a little 2 year old who fell and bumped her head) it was at this point a woman at the front of the bus pulled out her mobile and rang her husband who was a copper and the station was 5 minutes down the road.

the driver was so busy looking in his rear view mirror,waving his fist and bunny hopping down the road that he failed to notice a patrol car come through the traffic towards him and pull up nose to nose a few inches from his own, he didnt notice it until he bumped into the patrol car, and when he did everyone on the bus saw his face in his rear view mirror as his jaw dropped and the colour drained to his feet, the officer got out and walked straight past his car and onto the bus as the man scrabbled to get out of his seat belt and his car and get to the officer first, alas he failed and the officer exchanged greetings with the bus driver when he burst through the doors and exclaimed loudly "THIS MAN WAS FLASHING HIS LIGHTS AT ME" the officer calmly came back with a classic line "considering your driving sir im not surprised" he then protested very loudly and so the officer pulled out his cs spray and held it by his side and even more loudly stated "SIR IF YOU DONT SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLE I WILL ARREST YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!" he shut up then the officer said calmly "right, now i shall take a statment from this driver and let him on his way so these good people can get to work, and then sir we can discuss your grievences and more importantly the damage to my patrol car, until then.. belt up!"

everyone cheered

apologies for length, i got a bit carried away but i love seeing people get what they deserve
(Thu 21st Feb 2008, 21:26, More)

» The Worst Journey in the World

Do I smell ?
Hmm had a few bad journeys,

there was the time I was flying over to see the girlfrind in America, I got on my third and final connecting flight... a 1 hour jounery and immediatly the american chap sat next to me stated "Ewww... think you need a bath don't ya ?" with a roll of the eyes and a sigh I started a converstaion that went sort of

ME:" So where you off to today then sir ? just city hopping ? live here and just going there for the day ? wife just drop you at the airport ? "

HIM: "yeah ? what of it ? "

ME: "well thats nice, I myself have been travelling for 36 hours in hot aeroplanes and airports with no washing facilities so DO YOU THINK YOU COULD CUT ME SOME FUCKING SLACK its only an hour journey and then you never have to see me again you rude bastard"

I've spent plenty of time on uncomfortable trains and buses getting a numb arse and being bored.. I hate travelling now...

no apologies for length... you get what your given
(Fri 8th Sep 2006, 16:01, More)

» Apparently I'm a sex offender

Under Suspicion
I have no story to tell Im a good boy, just an opinion to give.

since the birth of my daughter 3 years ago I have noted the following rather sad truths.

1) A bloke carrying a girl to the toilets in public = suspicious looks/stares

2) A bloke carrying a screaming girl whos been naughty in shop = suspicious looks/stares (especially when screaming for mummy)

3) A bloke then carrying said screaming girl whos been naughty out of the shop to the car leaving mummy to do the shopping = even more suspcious looks/stares

... and there are others

Sometimes I wonder if people believe that my daughter even has a father... cuz they certainly don't believe that its me... fucking sad world in'it ?

length ? well the missus tells me shes had bigger which fooking hurt... smaller which was crap and therefore I am just right.... being happy is what its all about insn't it ? lets here it for mister average... (yes this is first post)
(Wed 23rd Aug 2006, 11:01, More)

» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

more IT secrets
i like being in control of massive data resources, at work my secrets are

1. my support tracking software, through which u can see the progress of your outstanding puter issues is prgrammed (by me) to automatically add fake "actions" to the details so that u think i've been working on it.

2. computers can be sent fake commands to break them if i want to sit in a certain area for a little while and hide out, like wise certain mates know how to 'break' computers sufficently for me to sit and slowly fix it while having a good chat.

3. if you happen to have a job that for no other reason then you want to assert some kind power over me, becomes urgent.. another very major system in the building WILL suddenly fall over in spectacular style !! and take 3 hours to fix.

4. in return for the favour of fixing the home pc you brought in, you automatically agree to letting me execute a specially designed (again by me) piece of software that runs from a USB memory stick and scans for any useful files (music, video, images, jokes, cracks etc) and copies them back to the memory key (but nothing personal !) the program looks like an ordinary harddrive error checker

*note* this last one has yeilded at least 3 lots of 'special' home movies... and tonnes of very good music

5. the email filtering is set to block emails containing the funny/nasty/pornographic content everyone sends from getting to your inbox and stopping u working !! no reason why it can't then redirect it all to my inbox tho !

hmmm reading that, ive scared myself about what kind of person i am !
(Fri 28th Sep 2007, 12:30, More)
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