b3ta.com user h3dg3h0g
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» Bad Dates

Close Call
In my younger years (well mids twenties) I had a number of close calls. I was single, but for some reason I just ended up with girls that just happened to be married or with someone else. I didnt especially do it on purpose, it was just uncanny.

One special night I was out with a few friends from work, out in a place not too far from Luton. I didn't live in Luton, and I knew that quite probably I would be abandoned during the night at some point as most of them loved the old Irish exit...

For some reason I was just on form.... I got two numbers and quite frisky with one of them, but they were going on to other clubs and I wasnt, so that ended.

Then I saw her, my first MILF. She was around 40, blonde, and very tidy. I spent the rest of the night, and everything was going well. Her friend was even on my side...

At the end of the night I thought everything was on for a night of hide the sausage, but she turned me down. I was gutted. Off they went in a taxi, and I had lost all my work friends. I was stood outside the nightclub, and after about 5 minutes, who should turn up was the taxi they went off in, and the door opened, and her friend shouted 'you best get in here, i've spent all night trying to get her to shag you, dont dissapoint me!'

So I got in, and we all went to her house, and that was that. It was a great night, and yes, everything went to plan...

The next morning, not so well....

We both woke up about 9am to the sound of banging on the door downstairs. She then looked in horror at me, and told me to get dressed, as it was her husband.

The next 60 seconds went in a blur. I got ready and was dressed in 10 seconds, she ran downstairs to unbolt the door. I opened the bedroom window and timed me jumping out onto the garage roof with her opening the door to her irate husband.

I jumped onto the drive and didn't look back, just ran like the wind... and kept on running for felt like hours.

When I finally stopped I realised I had no idea where I was, and I had no transport.

I had to ring work to get the mobile number of someone to pick me up before I got spotted, and thankfully they did.

I can laugh about it now.
(Sun 20th Oct 2013, 12:25, More)

» Pure Fury

Close call
I had just turned 21 and started to work as an agency driver for a well known parcel delivery company, and just that very day been offered the chance to drive a 7.5 Tonne truck for the first time.

The shift started at 6am and all day I had been gingerly and carefully driving this monster truck, and at no time would I ever say that I was confident in such as massive vehicle.

Literally 100 yards from finishing the shift, and the relief of not crashing and killing anyone I was driving up to the traffic lights and noticed that I would be stopping on the box junction, so just slammed my anchors on.

For around 30 seconds, probably a minute, but felt like longer all I could hear was screeching tyres, beeps, and I am sure there was the odd scream... but I didn't hear any bangs.

I just shut my eyes and all of a sudden a big fist came through the window and grabbed me by the scruff of the neck.

What the fuck do you think you are doing? I've nearly had 8 ton of skip come through my cab... said the very nice man mountain.

All I could manage through fear was to point at the road and say 'box junction'... and couldnt move or say anything else...

The moment must have passed though as he just looked at the road looked back at my rabbit stare fear induced eyes and just let go and walked back to his skip lorry.

I stalled the lorry about 5 times that last 100 yards.....
(Fri 27th Sep 2013, 17:17, More)

» Council Cunts

Northern Council Cunts Near Manchester but not Salford or Bury
Moving In day

'Lets be organised, I'll ring up the council and sort out changing the council tax over to Mr & Mrs H3dg3h0g' (So I ring up the Council and do it)

Two Weeks Later

'Hello, This is Mr H3dg3hog, I have rang before and asked for the council tax to be put in my name. This is in the previous owners name AND it has all the council tax that HE owed. I only owe from June.'

' Ignore it, we will send out a new one in your name' (Says the Council Cunt)

Two Weeks Later

'Hello, this is Mr H3dg3h0g. I have got a bill for council tax I dont owe. Please can you sort it out'.

' You will have to pay it Sir, then we will sort out a refund off next years council tax'.

'Lets get this right, you want me to pay £1500 that I dont owe, plus council tax for this year and hope that you realise your mess up to refund me next year'

'Yes Sir'

'Poke it! I'm only going to pay a bill thats correct, Goodbye'.

Four Months Later


What I failed to realise, is that Council Tax doesnt work the same way as normal bills. The fact that I had NOT PAID ANYTHING, meant they could take me to court. I had to pay the whole lot, but avoided court.

I got the refund, but only on my council tax bill, which meant I had credit for 1 1/2 years, but thats not the point.

(Fri 27th Jul 2007, 16:30, More)

» Theft

Newsletter stolen
Own up, who stole this weeks newsletter?
(Sun 10th Nov 2013, 11:17, More)