» * PFFT *

A Very Farty Family
Well let's see....where to begin....

The hubby, Fat Bastard, has farted and smelled our bedroom up so bad that we had to open the windows...in the middle of the night...in mid February...in New York. He's also let one rip that started with a "POP!" and then creaked like an old door opening in a scary movie. He's also attempted to fart in my face by telling me "Honey...I think I have something on the back of my leg.." and when I went to look...he farted right before I got my face down there. We've also experience "coitus interruptis" due to him just about shitting himself.

Our 4 year old...Little Bubby....farts and then in the comedic stylings of Steve Martin yells "EXCUUUUUUUSE ME!!" and of course laughing all the while. He does this no matter where we are...home...my parent's house...the store...the doctor's office....anywhere. I'm telling you...that kid can clear a room already and the louder and smellier it is...the harder him and our other son, Little Bastard, laugh. Little Bastard will fart and then proclaim in a loud voice "HEY! I TOOTED!!" and then they'll both laugh like hell.

Me?? Mine are usually SBD after a variety ot things...BK onion rings, PB&J, bologna and cheese, and sour cream and onion potato chips. Not all at the same time mind you...I think that would cause SBDs to kill a small community!! Of course today after eating a cheese filled danish cake like thing...I've had killer farts. The kind that you hear coming for hours before they show up...and some of them showed up while I was reading this QOTW. Made me laugh so hard I was farting like a CHAMP! Nice, loud and smelly...makes me proud.

The FB and I are also charter members of the "Shit your Pants" Club. I've followed through on more occasions than I care to mention. As the FB says...FART stands for Forced Air 'Round Terd....

Length?? The best one has been about three seconds of pure unadulterated stank!!
(Wed 18th Jul 2007, 4:37, More)

» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

OMFG!!
My boy, Zach (aka Tank) has just taken the biggest shit I have ever seen for a five year old!! I swear it was as long as his forearm and was actually out of the water!! Talk about disturbing. He looked at it and went "HEY! That's a really big poop!!" then flushed it before I could take a pic for you all.

All I can say is "WOW!!"
(Tue 1st Apr 2008, 20:06, More)

» Too much information

A list of TMI.....
-Having a friend of mine tell me her bf sends her video of himself tugging it because she told him if she's not there to help she wants to see him do it anyway...and then playing said video so I could hear it! (She asked if I wanted to see....I declined)

-Getting told that my niece AND my nephew both lost their V-plates within a week of each other (and to their respective partners..not to each other...that's a WHOOOLE other QOTW...and completely WRONG!)

-Having my FB tell me about the shite he took this morning...it's color, consistency and smell. (Could have done without that)

-Having my neighbor tell me that her hubby's todger is black because he broke his pelvis while riding a horse bareback and it bucked him. (He landed back on the horse's back just as it was going back up...yup..that's an OUCH right there)

-Having another friend of mine tell me how she likes to swallow and tells me graphic details of her sex life with her hubby. (She knows it disturbs me...but she does it anyway..and LAUGHS!)

Of course I've done my own TMI to other people like...

-Telling details of my two C-sections, my hernia operation, and my gall bladder operation.

-Helped explain how to have better anal sex to a friend of mine over IM...with graphic details. (Hey..she asked. Plus there's a little TMI from me to you! :))

-How my oldest son Bubba just had diorreah down the inside of his pantleg the other day...and it collected in the bottom of his sweatpants...and I had to throw him in the bath to clean him up.

The list goes on and on...but I think I've shared enough.

Length? FB's got a good...
nevermind...that would be TMI!!

P.S. Click "I like this" and I'll share any of the above info on me with you!!
(Thu 13th Sep 2007, 2:44, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

I have seen too many....
I have seen too many dead bodies in my lifetime..thank you very much. It started when I was 9 and it was my Grandma. That was awful and I remember it like it was yesterday...and I'm 37 now. I've also kissed my Mother in law's lifeless body goodbye after she died of cancer. She was still at home when I saw her. No one tells you that when you die...everything lets loose. Wasn't pretty...but I kissed her anyway and love and miss her to this day.

I've also seen...

-my husband's best friend (he was 34 and died of a heart embolism)

-another of my husband's best friend's father (he loved us as we were his own)

-my friend's brother (who was also my friend and was one of the best guys I've ever known)

-my grandfather (the bastard..long story..other QOTW..if it's about pedophiles)

Then there are the two services I went to that the people were cremated. My cousin..who killed himself at 35..cried like an absolute fool for that one....and one of my best friend's...she died of heart failure after a 5 year battle with cancer...cried like a fool for that one too.

Been there too many times and have seen waaay too many bodies for my liking. I'm envious of you that haven't seen them....try to keep it that way.
(Fri 29th Feb 2008, 18:40, More)