b3ta.com user deranged_lunatic
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» The Worst Journey in the World

the french,why can't they be more like us...
a few years ago my mum and dad decided our annual holiday would be in the south of france near the basque area,we live in Rochdale and sicne my mum has a fear of flying we drove alllll the way ther.:( In a box standard Astra estate, not designed for anything but ..well nothing.Anywho we set off on a 6hour drive to Dover ferry port, but as was the usael as we were nearing Dover the M1 was suddenly a massive traffic jam monster htingy with all huge tentacles and purple skin etc... We' finally got to the port at 2.30 a.m, turns out there was a burnig lorry on the motorway when i switched the radio on, stupid flammable trucks. Since it was so late there were no ferries till early morning so we booked in at a travel inn for the night, leaving all our worldy posseshions int he car outside, mistake right there in a busy 24hour carpark.Car was broke into, not once but twice during the night, stupid Dover chavs.But they were so stupid that they ddidn't take anything, not even the laptop hidden under ym coat, but only tried to get my siggs.So we left bright and early in the morning, And we bagan driving through France. Have you ever used the public toilets in those road lay bys in France? Nobody else has either since its not a toilet but a hole in the floor wiv handles on the walls, not good for taking a crap and with no bog roll..DIRTY FRENCH, this was the same for a thurther 12hours all the way down to our haven sight, which when we got there ou caravan was overboked :'( So we had 2 pitch our own tent tht haven supplied us with, only to be eaten alive by birds in the night through the massive gaping hole in the tent, horrible. Why god, why?, Sorry for length but the French won't be!!
(Thu 7th Sep 2006, 16:30, More)

» Public Transport Trauma

the bus to manchester
I boarded a literally packed bus with my then girl-friend in oldham and sat down on those fold up seats at the front since they were the only empty seats, we only managed to go about 3 stops from the station when an elderly gentleman with one of those even more elderly shopping bags with wheels and he sat next to me.

To say that this poor guy smelled bad would be an under-statement of epic proportions.

About 10 minutes after he sat down he began swaying form side to side with the bus, obviously asleep i just ignored him, well this became difficult when he began leaning on me, and then he put his arm across me.

Now I'm a fairly easy going guy willing to let things slide but this was too far when he began drooling..eurrgh.

I gently knudged him to try and awake him but to no avail, my girlfriend even tried but again to no success.
I decided to simply get off the bus but i couldn't move the man's arm. Something was wrong..

Turned out that when the man was about to board the bus he was already heavily drunk..too drunk to realise that he wa son death's door.

The poor bugger faded away on my right arm on the 82 to manchester... talk about public transport hell.. or heaven if he was a good'n
(Sat 31st May 2008, 19:37, More)

» Unexpected Good Fortune

if i was a rich man lalla...la
on my way to my girlfriend's house when i was 14, the local chavs on my estate jumped me and kkicked the living shit out of me, however 20mins later my older brother saw them and cracked their heads together, i soon found their phones all the money they were carrying in there pockets and a 10 bag of skunk , with anote from my brother "you should get beat up more often :-)"Thanx bro!, oh and i used the money to get some jonnys and i proceeded to my girlfriends the next day, two days in a row is pretty good luck huh ;)
(Tue 19th Sep 2006, 16:13, More)