» Have you ever seen a dead body?

A Face I Will Never Forget
When I was younger, on a cold crisp but sunny autumn saturday morning, me and a boy on the street went to play football on the green.

It was a moderately large space, next to a main road with large willow trees. We kicked the ball around, one over ambitious boot launched the ball under one of the larger willow trees.

As I got towards it I could see a pair of feet hanging amongst the thin branches. Being far to young and innocent to understand the eerie creek of a dead weight hanging from a rope I had little idea of what I was about to uncover.

I picked up the ball and looked up, into the eyes of a young man, his face contorted into the deathly expression that must only come from strangulation. His face drained of colour, it appears to swift en his death he had slit his wrists and throat.

Unsuprisingly I was petrified with fear, I ran home and the whole story unfolded from there. I had terrifying nightmares of trees, the hanging figures, his distorted faced and staring eyes night after night. I would not sleep for weeks, due to the fear of what the nightmares that would follow.

Eventually I was sent to a child psychologist, the nightmares stopped but so did my ability to dream or at least my ability to remember them. Even now I rarely remember anything of the previous nights sleep, but I will never forget his face.
(Tue 4th Mar 2008, 17:25, More)

» Debt pron

why not put all your debts together in to one affordable payment......?
I really hate those debt consolidation companies. The adverts, the concept, the stupid celeberities who endorse them and have probably never actually been in debt and as they count their piles of money probably chuckle greedily and evily over the stupidity of the common oiks they have fooled (defrauded).

But then again why get screwed by several small cocks, when you could get shafted by one enormous one over an even longer period of time!?
(Mon 27th Nov 2006, 20:17, More)

» Unexpected Good Fortune

My parents make me sick
Back in the dark ages, when shillings and what not were still legal tender my parents were poverty stricken students. I dont mean student poor as in "Ive only got enough money for 10 pints instead of 11", but so poor that they lived in a house that was so cold that the mugs used to freeze to the draining board and my mum ended up in hospital with neumonia because they couldnt afford to have the heating on everyday.

One day whilst trudging back along the road to there house in the middle of nowhere they found a wallet with over £200 in. A small fortune, especially to them...... now anyone else would have run around with glee and bought a vast pile of firewood and some decent food. But no, my mum being the most sickeningly "decent" person was worried it was some old dears life savings and took it to the police station. As you can imagine my parents never saw any of the money and carried on living in poverty.

...... fortunately all that need for the sharing of body warmth resulted in a sprog popping out and who is now lambasting them for being so selfless! Oh well, lucky me i guess.

(No questions asked, I would have kept it.)
(Thu 14th Sep 2006, 20:22, More)

» The Worst Journey in the World

Where do i start.........
Hmmm well there was the 40hr coach journey from hell going to Austria where we got stuck in the Munich rush hour and the heating got stuck on rull resulting in a coach load of smelly and profusely sweaty teenagers.

Or the bus* journey through Laos along mountain passes where the road had been eroded away, in deep fog and with a bus driver out of his face on amphetamins (he drove for 15hrs straight) and armed guards wandering around with AK-47s. So even if were werent shot at by roaming bandits we were likely to die plunging over the edge of an unseen corner. This was rather scarely proved at one roadside where there was a similarly piece of cr@p bus with a crushed in roof.

I think the worse trip was probably crossing the whole of thailand in 48hours (about 900 - 1000miles). First was 17hr train journey to Bangkok, I luckly managed to end up in 3rd class (metal benches amongst chickens and piglets) and next to the toilet. This little adventure was made all the nicer by an epic hangover, a brilliant combernation of rice whisky (£4 a litre), beer containing phormaldyhyde and 40degree heat = Huge head ache and vast amounts of sweating.
I was so tired I didnt even consider the fact I was being charged 5times what I should have been for a tuk tuk (three wheeled taxi of death). Then I had to wait around Bangkok most of the day, the smelliest, grimmiest and most polluted city Ive ever been to (coming from a person who lives in Bradford). Just from walking in some parks I got excrament all over my shorts, no idea how. Then I had an overnight bus journey to the south where they played thai dance music for the whole journey. the next day i had to jump on another local bus, so no fans or air con despite being in a tropical zone to end up at a bus station 10kms out of a town. Resulting in a 2hr walk with a bag the weight of a small child. This was all to discover I would be the only english speaking person out 5000 people on an mosquito infested mangrove excuse swamp of an island**.

*read pieces of metal loosely connected to create a ratteling, smoking vision of certain death.

**turned out to be 4 of the most incredible weeks of my life.
(Fri 8th Sep 2006, 23:01, More)

» Barred

Young Guns
As a child I was mildly* obsessed with guns, particularly cow boys and gun slingers. Unfortunately being at such a tender age the most violent films I would be allowed to watch at home centred around a rather camp man in a black mask and a side kick called Toto. Fortunately one of my best friends had parents with a rather more liberal stance on films, consiquently I learnt a vast vocabulary of words that would put a drunk pirate to shame.

My best friends dad was (and still is) a complete legend. Fortunately he is/was one of those people who were infinitely cool with out being a show off or being one of those poor buggers who desperately attempt to be "down with the kids". As a result he was always one of the gang and not really treated as an adult... this combination of "daddy cool" and violent films lead to me being banned from my friends house (by my own parents).

One week me and my friend watched young guns,( at the time) a perfect blend of foul language and graphic violence. By the end of it we were engaged in a sugar fueled gun battle only comparable to buch casidy and the sundance kid. My friends father was attempting to work in his office but struggling due to two brats doing there best to kill each other all over the rest of his house. after chasing us around the house we were cornered and I uttered the imortal lines (of Amelio Estivez) "are you my mommy? no. are you my daddy? no. are you are motherf*cking, c8ck sucking son of a B!tch? yes!" I think this really had pushed things a little far, as he was too shocked to say or do anything as we ran away giggling.

My parents of course were pretty furious when they were found out, though by this stage my friends dad just thought it was hilarious and was laughing incontrolably as he related the story. I was then banned from said friends house until I promised to stop watching "naughty films"**, of course I promised and of course we carried on watching them. I just learnt an important lesson; its not a good idea to swear at any ones parents regardless of how cool they are. Fortunately were still best friends and his dad is still a legend but has never let me live it down. the shame.

length, girth? what does it matter I'm a b3ta virgin so I dont know what I'm doing anyway.

*POP*

*read manically
** is it me or does that sound a tad seedy?
(Sat 2nd Sep 2006, 14:15, More)