b3ta.com user StrongBad
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» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

Hydrogen burps
In year 10 we did an experiment in chemistry where we dropped magnesium ribbon into hydrochloric acid, collected the resulting gas and tested it for that 'squeaky pop' to confirm that it was hydrogen.

As you may know, the stomach also contains a fair amount of hydrochloric acid, and far more concentrated than the stuff we used.

My friend, Ben (who was already well known for acts such as blowing the fuse for the entire science block by short-circuiting the mains supply in a physics lab and destroying every dog shit bin in the estate by blowing up cheap cans of deodorant in them), thought it would be a good idea to eat some magnesium ribbon.

He started burping. A lot.

I wanted to stick a lit match in his mouth when he burped but he was somewhat opposed to the idea.

He went home later that morning with stomach cramps.

I still have some magnesium ribbon which I have carefully kept from oxidation over the years.
I am currently living in Paris with someone who doesn't think b3ta is funny.
Click "I like this" if you think I should put magnesium powder in one of his sandwiches.
(Thu 19th Jul 2007, 19:49, More)

» My Greatest Regrets

I regret going to donate blood today.

They told me they didn't want my gay blood. Then I was put on a database to ban me from ever donating in the UK. Then I had to sign a form to confirm I was gay, which will be forever held in an archive somehwere. It feels like I have a fucking criminal record.

You'd think being a virgin would make it OK, but apparently homosexuality it carried in the blood these days. Oh really, Mr. NHS? This is news to me.

Beggars can't be choosers, you ungrateful vampire cunts!
(Sat 7th Oct 2006, 4:29, More)

» Spoooky Coincidence

...I once wrote some lame story on a website, and every single person who read it clicked on "I like this!" -- how spoooky is that?!
(Fri 9th Feb 2007, 1:58, More)

» Spoooky Coincidence

Richard Feynman died just 196 days before I was born, and I like physics.

Weird or what!
(Sat 10th Feb 2007, 22:53, More)

» My first experience of porn

White piss?
My first experience was when I was about 11, and I downloaded a short video on my 28.8k modem at my dad's house. I was wondering why the guy expelled squirts of white piss onto the woman's chest. The video was 1.52MB so I couldn't fit it on a floppy diskette to take it to show my friends.

I've since discovered file spanning, which has been most useful for storing whole porn films on 522 diskettes.
(Fri 26th Jan 2007, 1:01, More)
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