b3ta.com user minky
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» Sexism

Equality my arse..
How many birds work on the bins then?
Firms don't pay women the same wages because they're statistically more likely to have time off "every month" and eventually have kids.
Only women go shopping, aimlessly buying stuff just for the hell of it - blokes buy exactly what they need (very little normally) and go home.
If I was a woman, I'd stay in most nights and play with my tits.
Women don't understand the concept of sheds.
Why do some women dress attractively yet condemn ogling and wolf-whistling as sexist?
How come mums can whoop and holler at boy band concerts, yet the other way round any dad within 10 miles of a Hannah Montanna gig is a paedo?
Why are they so surprised to be told that their shit stinks too?
And they fart.
(Wed 30th Dec 2009, 12:10, More)

» Anonymous

Ringing the company secretary and asking her to make the following announcement over the office tannoy system...

"If anyone would like to see Mike Hunt please contact reception, thank you"

...works every time, especially with temps.
(Fri 15th Jan 2010, 15:59, More)

» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

Hunt the tommy...
This was the name of the game that we used to play during pub crawls. A gang of at least 20 of us aged anywhere upto early 20's depending on experience would usually play this nasty to brighten up the more quieter pubs along the route. The rules were simple and often expanded on as the weeks unfolded. Initially someone would have a dump in the pub toilets, deliberately missing the bowl. After announcing "tommies on" the challenge was then to drink-up and get out of the place before the alarm was raised. As the weeks went by the stakes got higher, seasoned pro's would actually shit into their bog-roll covered hands to enable the most bizzarre locations for the said turd to be deposited. A points system then evolved for the most outrageous appearances. Often we'd resort to the hide'n'seek version if the layer had taken the trouble to hide the log, a true case of sniffing out the prize. Common practice was the top of the cystern, the pool table pocket, behind the odd curtain, the end of the bar even! The more memorable was one left in a half drunk pint glass of bitter and the creme de la creme being an actual drop kick that splattered the optics behind a crowded bar. The most destructive was laid at a private party. A guy actually took the trouble to dismatle a bathroom light fitting and leave his freshest offering enclosed inside the light/heater and re-affix. Weeks after the party, the poor girls parents had the entire back garden dug-up by the water company, looking for the "blockage!" Can you imagine their reaction on the discovery of the real problem? That one still brings a chuckle when recollected, nearly 20years ago now! He-he!! Nice one Bob...
(Fri 28th Mar 2008, 16:51, More)

» Debt pron

When will people realise that the whole point of the credit industry, is to lend money to those that cannot affort to repay. Thus increasing their debt and the profitability of the credit company. Yes it's cynical, but the most basic of capitalist principles by far. Nobody is forced to sign on the dotted line, it is just pure impatient greed. Some try to justify their predicament by claiming that debts are part and parcel of normal modern life, they are the deluded fools. Anything and everything is affordable with credit, especially to those who believe materialistic posessions will fulfil their sad existance. The reality is that borrowing finance is no different to gambling, the result will always be the same. On balance the future outcome favours the bookmaker in exactly the same way the financial institution. There is no shortage of punters trying to recover their losses, at bigger stakes as the downward spiral takes a grip. Go on, treat yourself to a consolidated loan, you know it makes sense?
(Sat 25th Nov 2006, 10:52, More)

» Family codes and rituals

My lords, ladies & gentlemen...
I eventually convinced my young sons to proclaim "to the Queen!" anytime somebody farts, if the other lad witnesses the event he adds "and all who sail in her!" much to the often perplexed expressions of those in attendance.

This is in honour of the original bloke who I used to work with, he often ad-libbed whatever the occasion. His finest work being "and a fish!" at any given pause in the conversation.
(Wed 26th Nov 2008, 13:32, More)
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