b3ta.com user roszser
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» Festivals

Beanz Meanz Painz
An acquaintance of mine - lets call her Louise, for that was her name - went to her first festival as a teen, choosing Glastonbury for the privilege.

It was back in the early nineties when it was all a little bit more anarchic than it is in these more corporate times, and there were many campfires around the fields. One group of lads thought it a jolly wheeze to throw tinned food into the fires, for the child-like joy of seeing cans explode.

Louise was rather tipsy on a heady mixture of cider, weed and ecstasy, and felt something hit her leg. The pain didn't really cut through her addled mind, though she knew somewhere inside that something quite bad had probably just happened.

She was awoken the next morning by a searing pain in her left leg and hauled herself out of her sleeping bag, not sure what to expect. The list of things that she didn't expect definitely included seeing a circular blister about four inches in diameter and an inch high covering her thigh. With a baked bean suspended perfectly inside.

Horrified she assembled her friends and they gingerly walked her to the first aid tent. Whereupon she was put into the 'drug casualties' section, for her wild-eyed hysteria about the "BAKED BEAN STUCK INSIDE MY LEG".

The next year she went back, managed to cop off with a bloke with a strange crustiness around the mouth and awoke to find herself covered in herpes sores.

Aaah, Louise. You were ace. I wonder where you are now... probably dead.
(Fri 5th Jun 2009, 22:39, More)

» What nonsense did you believe in as a kid?

The only way I can explain this
is that I must have been watching television while my mum was listening to music in the next room, when I asked "who's this?".

The upshot was that I thought that Simon and Garfunkel were Bo and Luke Duke of Hazzard County until I was about 13.
(Sat 21st Jan 2012, 20:19, More)

» Conversation Killers

Quite a few years back now I was lounging on the 662 out of Bradford, half-earwigging on the conversation of the teenage girls sitting on the seat behind. They were talking at the speeds only teenage girls can reach and hadn't drawn breath for the past half-hour.

"Yeah well, Gareth Gates has admitted he shagged Jordan now, it's in Heat n all"
"That'll be why 'er kids blind, innit"
(Wed 18th May 2011, 21:07, More)

» Inappropriate crushes

You have inspired my first post.

I too had a big crush on Aramis, and thought I was the only one.

However, about 15 years later a dog's cock went accidentally in my mouth when I was lying on my back laughing on a bouncy castle, so I win (even though he was rubbish at fencing).

No apologies for the lack of length, it was only a terrier.

PS - I also had a thing for Disney's Robin Hood. But he was a bit of a fox.
(Mon 2nd Oct 2006, 22:41, More)

» Shit Claims to Fame II

Something something ALIVE? I'm drawing a blank
I had a brief but enjoyable affair with one of Brian Blessed's birdmen from the popular documentary Flash Gordon about ten years ago,
(Fri 21st Sep 2012, 4:34, More)
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