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Profile for Spiked_Rycroft:
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A small petty minded man

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» Guilty Laughs

Has probably been posted before:

Okay, yes he is a mindless yob destroying property and getting his just deserts, but he might well have lost a leg through this which is not only an inconveniance to him, but costs us in disabillity allowance. Still, fucking hillarious though, the commentary from his pall, the pure inevitability of the finale, and the fact that he has no one to blame but himself. It's almost like watching the coyote splat into the canyon wall :P
(Mon 26th Jul 2010, 0:45, More)

» How clean is your house?

Oh goodie, one I actually answer
I live and work in student halls, and have done from some 6 years . . . OH DEAR. Some of the major milestones in this 'career' have been:

Shit in the tumble dryer. . . Some vile and reprohensible individual felt the urge to do this, but not only that, they filmed themselves doing the dastardly deed, and putting some unsuspecting shill's trainers in for good measure. This is worse than one would imagine, as the smell of baked faeces pervails for months. Said students, once the recording had come to light, were tasked with cleaning the dryer with a wallpaper scraper and a bucket. They were then charged around 1500 to replace the dryer, which is about a term of rent money.

Along a similar vein, there was one foul soul who thought that shitting in a wok and stir frying it would be the jape of the century.

Another flat attempted to fill their bathtub with urine, (6 boys, 6 girls, sadly for my gender, you can guess which side it was) and needless to say, it got very very manky (Anyone spotting a trend?). though another flat filled a bathtub half up with jelly.

The aforementioned vomit in the sink growing mould is a common favourate.

It's not uncommon to see rooms full of month old binbags and acumulated pizza boxes. These often get to the point of rat, mouse, and bug infestation (centepede things are the worst).

Though one of the more unusual (and pleasnt) people was a chap called Boris. He was from Yougoslavia or somewhere, really nice chap, but somewhat mental. I was once tasked with inspecting his flat, and in his bedroom was a mig welder, 3 bikes, and on the walls were spraypaint outlins of the frames he had made. Very tallented, but daft as a brush.

Another 'career' high point was a promotion due to the previous CSR (or RA for those of a more colonial persuasion)quitting due to rather boisterous flat mates, who welcomed me with the gift of a used condom, coitous creame and all, tied neatly to my doorhandle. Needless to say, they made my life a mysery for 6 months, where in I threw away all the dishes twice, and had external cleaners come in and deal with the 'biohazard'.

Though the absolute top, worst, most vile and disgusting has to be. . . Cleaning up the EFL blocks. In the summer, those of us with no place better to go are offered minimum wage to gut uni accomodation. The EFL blocks are usually the worst. Now I don't know what it is about them, but the Chinese students seem to have a nak for making their flats really really unpleasnt places. I'm not trying to insite any racial hatred or anything, they're pleasnt enough people, very studious, if somewhat quiet, but somehow their blocks aquire a heavy, musty odour and unusual amounts of carpet, wall, and soft furnature soiling. One flat was so vile that everything in the kitchen, including the kettle, fridge, freezer, and draw handles, was covered in ground pork.

Appologies for length, and lack of hummus, but I never did encounter any of that on my travels.
(Fri 26th Mar 2010, 2:58, More)

» Council Cunts

Road signage!
I'm from Hull (don't judge me), and many of the streets there have been designated as "play streets", that is to say between 8am and sundown they are closed to all traffic except for access. This is a wonderful idea or so you would think, but the lovely and not at all gimp like folk of the local council have erected many of the signs informing motorists of this half way down the bloody streets so you can't see them from the main roads. And to make matters worse, turning round is difficult as these streets are narrow and one way leading to many altercations with irate taxi drivers.

Length? Most are far longer than they need to be.
Depth? 2 or 3 feet underwater in places last month.
(Sat 28th Jul 2007, 10:24, More)

» Useless advice

Helpful road signs
My favourate road signs are the dot matrix jobs on t'M8 going into Glasgow. They're usually spouting helpful sloans like "drive carefully" "keep your distance" and "check your fuel". I almost went into the back of a slowing car whilst reading the "keep your distance" one, real helpfull.
(Tue 24th Oct 2006, 14:24, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

ohh ,sooooooo many bad memories
i was the wierd kid. started out ok-ish, very quiet and all that, then the very large comprehencive in my very small town kinda killed all that. by sixth form i was more than a little unhinged. one hinge short of a squeaky gate shall we say. well, my forte in the world of wierd was self abuse. not the private cut my arms 'cos "nobody understands me" style, but the truley great brittish "that sounds like a challenge, lets do it and be back in time for tea and biscuits" type. challenges included crawling half naked on my belly for half a mile, doing 1000 consecutive forward rolls (better than hash.... apparently), jumping from the roof, runing headlong into ~475 yr 9 10 and 11 comprehencive kids in the snowball fight weating only my trousers for cover (resulted in an amusing cramp of both knees, lots of bruises, cuts, and scrapes and being carried into biology) being jumped on from 3 feet by the other 6thform weirdo, lots of other stuff. the head of science used to call me the ginger tosser (in defference to GAME ON), in hindsight im not that wierd. at least i didnt wank of in spanish, or have sex in the back of the cinima (deep impact).

edit, i just remembered, i was the kid who learned EVERYTHING about firearms, explosives, boobietraps, landmines, tanks, cars, survival food, etc etc, "just incase" and "you wont be laughing come the revolution"
(Wed 24th Jan 2007, 15:25, More)
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