b3ta.com user Mrs Trellis
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Courtesy of the lovely flatfrog

So I'm not round here much these days. Mostly as a result of changing jobs and having Trellis TNG to drive me crazy. For some reason I'm doing it again: Trellis Deep Space Nine is scheduled for arrival on 24th July 2011. On the plus side, this does mean a year off work...

For those who wish to know, the fund for Jessie raised over £2k, all of which was given to her mum to build a memorial in their beautiful garden in Wales. I understand pictures will follow :)

Tediously sane.

Truth is, I can never think of things to put in personal info fields. I think the one on my CV says I'm reliable.

I live in the New City of Milton Keynes with Mr Trellis, Trellis TNG and my two dogs. I get told I sound posh quite a lot, and someone once said I 'look Tudor'. I do pantomimes and stuff for fun, and I am officially the shortest b3tan at all of 5'1". I am the Senior Punishment Executive on board Captain Wow's vessel, The Pearl Necklace. How fortunate that my job is also my hobby.

I inspired the poet in Prof Undercover:

There was a beautiful woman called Trellis,
who enjoyed disciplining the fellas,
she did it with pride,
but never outside,
mostly in sex dungeons and cellars.

And someone made me this, which made me happy:

I have phone phobia. Please don't ring me.

Laird Dave Draws vectored me:

And I made Aphex go blind:

And he represented me:

Actually, he seems to like 'doing me':

Oh, and I observe the milestone nekkidity rule:
1000 posts

7000 posts

20000 posts (I really am around here too much)

And I'm rare

LogoThere are
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

And I do stuff like this:

I also drew this, and bilbobarneybobs (who makes lovely t-shirts by the way) animated it for me :-)

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Beautiful Moments, Part Two

Most beautiful thing I've seen recently?
The balance of my Paypal account after you lovely people donated for Jessie :)
(Sun 8th Aug 2010, 16:13, More)

» Family codes and rituals

Plain silliness
I know I must have lots of family codes and rituals as we're a lunatic bunch, but the only ones that spring to mind right now are these:

My father and my husband are both fairly technically minded. At least, my husband is, my dad tries to be. So inevitably a family visit will wind up up with the two of them talking wireless routers, visual basic, and how many megs of ram they've got or some such. As soon as they get into sentences that are complete gibberish, conversation is struck up between me, my mother and my sisters along the lines of:
'So you took the purple one?'
'Yeah, I've found purple is so much better than pink with yellow stripes. You get more squiggles per floop for it.'
'Have you tried one of the latest banana flanges?'
and so forth. The trick is to keep a straight face and keep the utter nonsense going until it distracts dad & Mr Trellis and they lose the track of their conversation. Record I think has been 20 minutes.

The second is down to a love of Blackadder. A favourite episode is 'Beer' featuring Miriam Margolyes as Lady Whiteadder. At one point she utters the glorious line 'I will suffer comfort this once. We shall just have to stick forks in our legs between courses.' One day while on holiday we were having the usual argument on what to do that day. A suggestion was made that was met with little enthusiasm, so I said 'or we could just stick forks in our legs'. Cue my mother nearly dying of laughter (she's easy to please my mum) and the birth of a catchphrase: ANYTHING that is a crap idea is now met with the fork alternative.

The last is down to my mother's musical tastes. The radio is invariably tuned to Classic FM and from time to time a bit of opera will come on. We CANNOT listen to it without providing our own translation. For example: Puccini's O Mio Babbino Caro from Gianni Schicchi roughly translates as 'Oh my beloved carrot, I'm going to the port for a lemon competition'. La Donna e Mobile from Verdi's Rigoletto runs along the lines of 'My puma has wind, he has a funny accent and a pension. Sometimes he's an ambulance that needs a visa, then a piano, then some rice that's menstruating.' That's Italians for you.
(Wed 26th Nov 2008, 16:11, More)

» Ouch!

Cooking naked
Took some foil off a roll, sliced nipple.

'Nuff said.
(Wed 4th Aug 2010, 11:31, More)

» Broken Promises

'Yes we'll make the position permanent'
"You've been doing the job anyway, it's yours"
"We just have to interview other people as a formality, but the job'll be yours"
"It'll be announced within the week"

"No, us giving it to someone else was nothing to do with your pregnancy"
(Sun 5th Dec 2010, 9:41, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

Gervais also
Smug arsehole who hasn't done anything funny since.... nope, never done anything funny.

Russell Brand. Don't get it. At all. Comb your hair and put on some trousers that fit.

Low slung trousers. Do I want to see your matalan-branded boxers? Or worse, your BHS thong? No, I do not. Pull your trousers up and get a better belt.

Chelsea Tractors round where I live. I'm sorry, you have absolutely no need to be driving something that huge when you live in Milton Keynes. Poor 4x4 has never SEEN a field, and has never been further off road than your driveway. Plus there's only you in it. Get a micra or something, eejit.

Smart Cars. Contradicting what I said above perhaps, these are the most ridiculous little pieces of rubbish, and seeing them going round roundabouts here makes me worry they're going to tip over. And why are they always driven by the morbidly obese? Someone who takes up every square millimeter of the internal space and has to ease themselves free with a crowbar? (This is a personal observation, if you are the one slim person in the UK who bought one, I apologise)

Dyslexia. It seems to be the 'in thing' to say this affects you. I KNOW it affects me because I had a proper evaluation and I have a certificate to prove it. Saying you're dyslexic to excuse your poor spelling and grammar when you've never even heard the phrase 'educational psychologist' is just not on. You may have noticed, my spelling and grammar is generally ok because that's not how it affects me or many other people who have it. So to say you have it when you're just not that good at getting your 'its' and 'it's' the right way round or whatever shows a lack of knowledge and understanding and really gets on my tits. (Again, I apologise if you really do have it, however you got your diagnosis. But it's like saying you have swine flu when you've got a slight cough.)
(Mon 19th Oct 2009, 14:16, More)
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