b3ta.com user TAZ220
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» The worst sex I ever had

Worst sex was with a lovely blonde lass, that wasn;t the bad bit. In order to get into her pants I had to set my mate up with her mum (it was the countryside ok!) who then shagged her on the ciouch whilst I shaggfed the daughter over the armchair.

I was 15. And her mums cries / screams / moans etc haunt me to this day.

Snivels and sits in corner.

Hi Elaine!
(Fri 15th Jun 2007, 10:53, More)

» Personal Hygiene

Smelly Cunt
Well, I don;t stink but was unfortunate to get jiggy with a lady of questionable character after a few beers on Friday night. All proceeding according to plan...... until I got a whiff of her minge which smelt like a trawlermans fish tanks (on the "lets ship all our dead fish stock day")

Still fucked it though - I'm not rude.
(Thu 22nd Mar 2007, 13:05, More)

» Well, that taught 'em

Brothers eh? Who'd have 'em!
Bit of an admission to make here.....

It was me that stitched my brother up for eating my comics (yes thats right, eat my comics) he started with the Dandy & the Beano but as I got older (and indeed geekier) he started to chew his way through my 2000ADs. Read a page and then idly tear the corner off and EAT IT!!!

I was quite annoyed and so pissed and wanked into a comic and left the fucker out for him.

Yes he did.

Sick barstard (Hi Nick!)

Yay! First Page!
(Thu 26th Apr 2007, 15:12, More)

» Phobias

I can feel it in my brain mummy........
Well maybe not my brain, but when I weas 6 or so I was playnig in the fields as you do and hiding in the long grass (maybe playing 50:50) when a woodlouse crawled into my ear. Went home and told mum, who didn't beleive me. I could feel it scrabbling around and the only way tio make it stop was to hold my nose and blow out against it thus increasing the pressure in my ears.

Slept, though fuck knows how.

Early morning a small TAZ220 enters kitchen with scrabbling noise in ear driving hjim more and more insane until........

the little fucker crawled out - cue mother screaming, cue TAZ220 screaming. Alot.

I donlt like woodlouse any more.
(Fri 11th Apr 2008, 9:16, More)

» Family Holidays

Kelling Heath Caravan Park
If anyones ever heard of Kelling Heath in Norfolk they might know what I'm on about....

Dad owned a blue Austin Allegro which loaded with Mum, Dad, Brother, me and everything needed for a two week sojourn in my grandparents caravan always felt like it was somewhat overloaded.... which led to early pant browning incidents when we had to go up "The Big Hill" TM. Its somewhere just north of the M25 and I NEVER thought we would make it (I know now that Dad had to pretty much drop it into first gear to keep us going!) - but we always did.

I've got NOTHING bad to say about those holidays, I remember the taste of a proper cooked breakfast with the smell of the sea in the morning air, unending walks with the dogs and just a great feeling of closesness to my clan (this was helped when the grandparents arrived for the second week, in a VERY small caravan).

I've also smuggled persian rugs into North Cypress which father & I would smoke on the balcony getting pished on the local "brandy" - but thats another story.

Looking back I realise what my parents gave up for me and although it was just a caravan, they were the best holidays of my life.

- Dries eyes, txts father & arranges drink down the pub ASAP - sniff!
(Tue 7th Aug 2007, 13:54, More)
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