b3ta.com user Handel
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Profile for Handel:
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me me me.

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Best answers to questions:

» Picky Eaters

back when i was travelling
through the Oz outback, I came across a restaurant in some small country town with a sign proclaiming "order anything from the menu - if we don't have it we’ll give you $100".
Always up for a challenge I sat down and smirked as I asked the waiter for elephant's balls on toast.

The waiter goes out the back, and for a good 5 minutes I hear a clattering of pots and pans and the chef cursing from the kitchen. A now very red faced waiter then emerges from the kitchen, hands me a $100 bill and says:

"We've run out of bread"
(Thu 1st Mar 2007, 15:05, More)

» Your first cigarette

my guilty pleasure
is answering previous QOTW's after they've closed...
(Wed 19th Mar 2008, 18:54, More)

» Pet Peeves

moron shop assistants
who hand you your change on top of the notes and receipt, leaving you to scrunch the lot in your hand to avoid dropping the coins. How f*&Ken hard is it to give you the coins THEN the notes and receipt.
(Fri 2nd May 2008, 4:38, More)

» When were you last really scared?

the scared becomes the scarer
Was walking home from the bus stop last night when I was scared shitless and jumped like a little girl as I was hit by a raw egg. Looked up to see 2 little punks on the 4th floor of a nearby council estate pointing and laughing, before they scarpered into one of the flats. After the initial shock, and after looking like an idiot just standing there shouting at what now seemed to be no one, I made a mental note of the floor level and flat location in the block, continuing home pissed off and covered in raw egg.

Got home, had cooled down, walked straight to the fridge and took out a 2 litre bottle of milk.

Cool, calm and collected I left the house with the milk, walked back to the scene of the crime, up 4 flights of stairs, and up to the door of my hoodie wearing assailants' getaway.

No prizes for guessing what happened next…

Knocked on the door, which was opened one hoodie # 1. The look on that little biatch's faces a split second before both he and the hallway inside the flat were painted in a fresh coat of cow juice was priceless: pure fear. F*cken love it!

Turned around, still cool, calm and collected and walked back home.

My only regret - not using a cool "Bruce Willis style one liner" just before nailing the bloke

Apologies - only to my flatmate who wasn't able to have weetabix for breakfast this morning.
(Fri 23rd Feb 2007, 16:17, More)

» Pubs

then there's the time...
that the dyslexic guy walked into a bra.

(Sat 7th Feb 2009, 19:26, More)
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