» Spoooky Coincidence

crank calls
Used to make a few crank phone calls as a kid. Dial a number, any number, make up some nonsense and see what happens...

Dialled a number, woman picks up, conversation goes like so...

Me: Hi, just me. Can I borrow your car?
Her: Hahahahah, did you want to speak to 'insert name' (the duaghter)?
Me: (Flummoxed) Yeah, thanks!
Daughter: Hi, how are you?

Conversation ensues.....as if we actually know each other

Me: So tell me your birthday again, I've forgotton
Daughter: 8th of July
Me: (a bit freaked out now) You don't know me but my birthday is 8th of July as well.

I then hung up. My birthday is 8th of July and that was probably meant to be my soul mate or something, surely these coincidences don't happen that often!
(Sun 11th Feb 2007, 1:06, More)

» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

chip shop - burgers
Had a summer job in a chip shop when I was 15 (a caravan park somewhere in Whitley Bay).

They would use the uncooked chips from the day before mixed with fresh ones - urgh. I also had to peel the batter from sausages that were cooked the day before so that they could re-batter them and fryy them the next day - lovely.

When I was a student at uni in Bristol I worked at a large nightclub - Odyssey if anyone remembers it. When they were short staffed they would sometimes take one of us from a bar to put us on the 'diner' to server burgers & chips etc. None of us had any kind of formal training or hygine certificates of course. The burgerss got put through a kind of horizontal toaster which cooked them on both sides at the same time. Little did I know that I had the settings all wrong and that they needed to go through twice. They would come out semi raw, and that's just how I served them to the p!ssed up public - yummy. Sometimes they would fall out the back of the machine and onto the floor. Waste not want not.....particularly twatty customer - I've got just the thing for you....

Fortunately after the manager got food poisoning from eating ther eI was never asked to serve in there again - shame.
(Mon 1st Oct 2007, 17:12, More)

» Debt pron

Inheritance to overdraft
Went to Uni in Bristol (UWE not the posh one). This was '94 so got grant (2k first year). Was late with forms so got loan early. Had jobs, got paid shitty money, survived. Second year, grant 1.8k, loan again. However got 5k inheritance from an old woman I met when I was like 2. Cos other family members also died it came to mee - wahey! 2 Technics 1200's and a mixer, plus lots of going out and it was all but gone. No - didn't pay off debt either.

Met bitch while at uni got her up the duff when I was 20, popped out when I was 21. At 21 I inherited 15k - wahey pt2! However bitch mc'cunt spent an awful lot of it and nowt left not long after. a year passes and I have the kid while she does big black men instead (length joke goes here).

So, single with kid, childcare costs loads, working but not getting paid a lot. Didn't know what the government coudl do to help at the time so got loans to pay for childcare etc. Time goes on, 10k inc student loans in debt. Oh.

Blah blah blah, move back oooop norff, rent shitty flat. Eventually buy a not so shitty flat for 27k. Buy house with GF, she sells her flat to pay for deposit and pay off all our debt!

Rent my flat, then sell it! Hurah pt3! Inherit more - huray for money, boo for dead relatives.

Moral of the story? Erm, dead people bail you out? Don't get bitch preggers? Don't spend more than you earn?

Fuck it, it's all a game anyway, who cares!
(Sat 25th Nov 2006, 13:31, More)