b3ta.com user uknowsit
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» Turning into your parents

I realised I was turning into my Dad when...
...I started sneezing like a fucking retard.
(Tue 5th May 2009, 16:03, More)

» Irrational Hatred

Not answering the question of the week...
...instead using it to go on a daily mailiesque rant about what small things irritate them in their day to day life because they have built up conflict or tension from another more significant part of their life which they can't deal with.
(Sat 2nd Apr 2011, 10:09, More)

» Nights Out Gone Wrong

too many pills to count as a thrill
After a particularly heavy night "J" and "A" (brothers) are back in their flat having a smoke and a no concept of what's happening jaw gnarling natter. J leaves the room to make them both a cup of tea. He returns to find "A" eating fag butts and roaches from the ash tray.

J: Stop that you're eating fag butts!
A: What?
J: You've been eating from the ash tray you mong. How many have you eaten?
A: Don't know. How long have you been gone?

Got to love the E logic.
(Wed 30th Mar 2011, 17:20, More)

» Beautiful Moments, Part Two

(Wed 11th Aug 2010, 15:01, More)

» The thing I've been most ashamed of doing with a penis

bangers and mash
whilst working for a well known pub franchise as a cook to pay my way through uni someone returned their bangers and mash complaining that the mash wash cold. fair enough as i was fairly accustomed to not taking pride in my work. however the bastard had eaten the sausages! fairly peeved at having to do even more work i shoved my destroyer in the new batch of cold mashed potatoes before being ceremoniously nuked in the microwave (the mash not my johnson). cooked off some more sausages and sent it down in the dumb waiter and went out onto the balcony to try and see if i could see who had cheekily returned the food. as i was watching the pub and i spotted the hot girl that i fancied from the upstairs flat in halls sitting with some friends. i stood in numb. "no no no no no no" disbelief and panic as the waitress then walks up to her and gives the aforementioned mash surprise and watched her scoff the lot.

needless to say that that was the closest that i got to having relations with her.

this is also the first time i've told anyone. loose lips sink ships
(Thu 12th Mar 2009, 21:09, More)
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