» Siblings

Childhood cookery
I have two cousins who were more like siblings when we were very young. Me and Cousin B spent many an hour concocting evil deeds against Cousin S. The best part of that being that she fell for every trick we pulled, with the desired wailing, snivelling reaction.
Our finest Kitchen Cookery session involved the making of a delicious creamy fruit 'cocktail'. This was a base of liberally heaped spoons of Andrews Liver Salts with milk, orange squash (cheap nasty type), sugar, salt, ketchup and flour.
She drank it all up much to our shock horror.
Apparently the puke was better than a jet propelled rocket and must have helped speed the car on the journey home, sadly I was being bollocked for the whole unfortunate Kitchen Caper to relish the humour that night, Cousin B doing his best 'it wasn't me' impression.
(Mon 29th Dec 2008, 23:48, More)

» Housemates from hell

Never share with teachers...
...found myself in a position after splitting up with the ex, where I had to move into a skanky old house which was being let by one of the schools in the town. And my god was it skanky! Would love to know how they called it subsidised rent... 5 people each paying £400 a month and a downstairs box room converted into bedroom #5. Go figure the profit!
Anyway. One housemate is a 23 year old guy who likes to slam his door so my whole room rattles, and takes the bathroom during my slot so I have to go to work without a wash. He then moves his bummer girlfriend into the house so there are now 6 people wanting to use the bathroom in the morning...I end up having to carry my toothbrush in my handbag and wash in the sink in the staff loos. Nice!

Mary Poppins as I like to call her, was the worst though. We are all between 23 and 35 years old, she is in her fifties, wears WHITE wrinkly tights and rouched high neck blouses, big old lady skirts and glasses thicker than milk bottles... and constantly harps on about her ballerina daughter and how her husband left her (I dont wonder why, the poor man). Every day I would get in from work to find her sat piously on the sofa with a TV dinner perched on a tray and a look like there was a bad smell under her nose, gingerly picking her food with her fork and chewing each mouthful 30 times before swallowing.
Then she started on about my TV. I am in the room above her. I have no stereo, a laptop,and a little 14" portable telly, and apparently the noise from the laptop and/or the telly was bothering her. So was me typing my work... at 8pm! She would frequently bash on my door to ask me to turn my TV down or stop typing because it was disturbing her. When my TV was on so quietly I couldnt hear it myself. Ended up living in headphones and putting my laptop on a towel to try and stop the 'constant thumping' going through the floorboards. Still I was too noisy. It was like living with Hitler on acid. She became such an intimidating old witch thet I took to never leaving my room and moved my microwave in. The plate turning in it and the ping seemed to get on her tits too. Bullying old witch.

I ended up leaving the place after three months and sneaked all my stuff out whilst they were all at work. I forgot what it was like to live normally, with a TV at normal volume, a laptop I could actually type on after 8pm, and being able to cook food and not smother the microwave with towels to stop the 'ping' noise being heard. And to be able to use the bathroom in the morning again... bliss!

I am only glad that the kids at school hate her just as much as I do, but then she does her Hitler impression there too.

She's on ratemyschoolteacher if anyone is feeling wicked...!
(Sat 7th Apr 2007, 18:11, More)