» Insults

School transport
Going to a school which is an impractical distance away from my house means that I have the misfortune of experiencing public transport a lot.

The other day a large boy lumbered onboard. A dirt-smudged cap pulled over his greasy hair and a Nike jacket stretched over his oozing lard rolls, this boy had actually done the impossible and was wider than he was tall.
He attempted to swagger past the bus driver but was stopped by a meaty arm

Bus driver: Bus pass?
Chav: Ain't got one
Bus driver: No pass, no ride
Chav sneers
Bus driver: Bus pass?
Chav: I told you mate, I ain't got one. Now fuck off
Bus driver: Now listen 'ere you stupid-
Chav: You're calling me stupid? You're a fucking bus driver.

Chav: 1
Driver: 0
(Sun 7th Oct 2007, 12:51, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

Repeated accidental animal cruelty
I have had many hamsters in my lifetime...

Hamster #1 got dropped in a bowl of boiling hot bleach (by accident, I hasten to add)

Hamster #2 was subject to a six year old's curiosity. I wanted to see if hamsters could swim*

Hamster #3 fell under the wheel of a Barbie car.

Hamster #4 bit a wire and electrocuted herself.

Hamster #5 was the only intelligent hamster and within days of buying him he'd made a break for the great wide world to make something of himself.
... That is until he was unfortunately savaged by a neighbouring dog within hours of his escape.

Hamster #6 had babies with Hamster #7

Hamster #7 didn't take to the world of fatherhood and comitted suicide.

Hamster #6 had a second litter of babies with Hamster #8
Unforunately, the offspring of Hamster #7 ate the offspring of Hamster #8 in a frenzy of blood and gore.

Hamster #6 and Hamster #8 went on to live happy lives...
Until my sister dropped the cage on the floor.

You'll be happy to know that I have not been allowed to keep a hamster since.

*No, in case you were wondering, they cannot.
(Fri 7th Dec 2007, 13:59, More)