b3ta.com user Monty Propps
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Recent front page messages:


(Tue 4th Jan 2011, 16:18, More)

I recognise that mouth...

(Fri 10th Dec 2010, 9:54, More)

...marooned for all eternity in the centre of an economic downturn...

(Thu 12th Aug 2010, 14:58, More)

Cinéma vérité,

(Sat 31st Jul 2010, 19:16, More)

Comes with free Catherine Cookson DVD

(Thu 19th Feb 2009, 11:39, More)

When Banksy's identity was revealed everyone was shocked.

(Sat 17th Nov 2007, 11:31, More)

For Ninjas on a budget.

(Thu 27th Sep 2007, 9:23, More)

The (burger) King.

(Thu 13th Sep 2007, 11:21, More)

Quicke for teh compo

(Thu 14th Jun 2007, 13:36, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Well, that taught 'em

I may as well get this one under the line before it closes.
A few years ago I was the Assistant Manager of a moderatley large superstore, crap hole that it was, but that's besides the point.

One day, during the school holidays, we had some kids hanging around outside, not total yobs, just the little twats that had more money than sense and Mumsy and Dadsy pander to their every need. One of these little twunts decides to come into the store, every few minutes, on his rollerskates, scaring old ladies, knocking over displays, and swearing and such, and, more importantly, pissing off me.

And then he goaded me by saying something to the effect of "Ha Ha! You never catch me!".


The store had automatic sliding doors as they are wont to do, and you can pop a key in and set them in various ways to open and close. I set them to open from the outside, but remain closed if someone tried to exit. The said twunt came careering in, cocky as fuck, and i started walking towards him which made him bolt for the door.

But it didn't open.

Result, one bloody nosed little twat, possibly concussed, who never came in the store again.
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 0:44, More)

» I witnessed a crime

This is, potentially the most depressing and anger arousing QOTW
Have mine, with not a happy ending but either a pleasing or frustraing ending depending on your view point.

One morning, may 1991, I was walking to college, through the local park, as you do.

"Oy! What did you do to Pod?!" This guy who had been walking up behind me shouted. My responce was "Eh? What?" since I didn't have the slightest idea of what he was talking about.

Anyway, after a brief disscusion where I told this twat, several times that I didn't know, or care what he was talking about, he sapped be on the back of the head with a bag full of stones, resulting in a very bloody and bad head injury.

Anyway, I gave the police a detailed desription of this fucker, including the logo on the bottom of his shoes as I noticed as I lay on the ground bleeding from my head.

Fast forward again 9 months, were in court, he admits to the crime, and gets... wait for it... 12 hours in an attendance centre.

WTF, indeed.

I was so angry I thought about giving that twat a kicking myself, but he was dead within a year, from a methadone overdose.

Who says only the good die young?
(Mon 18th Feb 2008, 16:56, More)

» Abusing freebies

I used to work for a well known office supplies company
And, as you'd expect reps came around on a regular basis whoring their freebies. All you had to do was play the game and you were quid's in.

From Brother, to name but one, I still have 8 gym towels, 3 laptop bags, one labeler, and a shag.

The last one puts the others to shame.
(Thu 8th Nov 2007, 16:29, More)

» How nerdy are you?

Where to start....
I'm a Trekkie, I was into D&D and used to be very good at painting the 25mm lead figures, I've got signed copies of Fighting Fantasy books (Livingstone, Jackson and Iain McCaig) and now my new nerdish fixation is Warbook as it is with several other B3tards.


If anyone wants to join the Alliance gaz me.
(Thu 6th Mar 2008, 11:10, More)

» I witnessed a crime

While I'm here
I spent my college years working part time at a supermarket checkout. But when they had trouble with a shoplifter I got called in, as I was a bodybuilder who could pin the the skinny druggies no problem.

Of the multitude of experiences I could name the funniest was the guy that put several gammon joints down his jeans, and by the time he fished them out (long before the police came) he was weeping with pain.

The best shoplifter I have experienced, including the on where one pulled a needle and the security guard was so fast and strong that he pinned his arm to the wall and broke it in the process. Nasty but meh.
(Mon 18th Feb 2008, 17:10, More)
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