b3ta.com user Captain V
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This is a picture of me climbing a tree in Tanzania.

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» Food sex

A small cup of the brown stuff please
Last night while cutting my hair my barber started an interesting discussion. Everybody in the shop was engaged in this discussion lasting 15 minutes or so. The topic?

How much poo we thought he'd eaten in his life given that he "sticks it right in" when giving a rim job to his wife.
(Thu 6th Aug 2009, 14:30, More)

» Crappy relationships

She got a puncture

(Thu 21st Oct 2010, 21:31, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

She broke my heart and saved my sanity
Until recently I found myself in a relationship with the most wonderful person I know. We discussed getting a place of our own when our financial situations allowed, settling down, kids, marriage and did so seriously. I genuinely thought I'd found the person I would spend the rest of my life with.

In short we made each other incredibly happy.

We both suffer from mental health problems which didn't make things very easy but we'd always been there for each other through the hard times. Unfortunately though, things weren't getting better for either of us. If anything they were getting worse. She felt as though our relationship was making things more difficult because she felt there was too much pressure on her not to allow things compromise our relationship so after a very emotional discussion we ended our relationship to allow us both to focus more on finding a solution to the problems we both face.

Since then I've had a fairly severe depressive episode, the worst manic episode of my life and, finally, been given a proper diagnosis of bipolar disorder and the support I need to deal with the it.

If she hadn't broken my heart (and her own) I'd never have reached this stage. I'd have been too caught up with not wanting to upset her and using every ounce of mental energy I had to, as far as possible, keep my problems bottled up. We've not spoken for about 6 weeks now. Hopefully we'll start speaking soon and be able to maintain a friendship but even if we don't she'll always have a special place in my heart for helping me save my sanity.
(Wed 8th Oct 2008, 10:10, More)

» I'm going to Hell...

My 20th birthday
I had a bit of a march on. I was late for my own birthday celebrations. I arrived at what was then our regular haunt, made quick small talk with the bouncers then headed straight for the bar.

“Pint of strongbow and a shot of tequila please”

I necked the tequila, savouring the sweet taste, before moving on to find my friends. As soon as I’d located them I received an ear bashing for being half an hour late although personally I didn’t see what the big deal was. After that had calmed down usual drinking activities ensued. Usual except for one ever so minor detail: I repeated the tequila/Strongbow combo 6 times….in 2 hours.

At this point I felt fine, I was still as sober as the moment I walked in the door, I was a drinking machine, RAWR! Off to the bar for my next round. Standing next to a friend I purchased my tequila/Strongbow, necked the tequila and turned to leave.

Before I managed to walk away he’d stopped me and made a proposition. If I downed my pint right there he’d buy me another shot of tequila. I’m still sober. Thinks I. I’ll do it! So down the pint goes, no trouble, and my friend turns to the barkeep to order a shot of tequila. Just as the barman turns to get said shot of tequila I feel a rumbling in my stomach. Seconds later, with no further warning, my guts explode in spectacular fashion all over myself and the bar. Sexy.

My friend swiftly changed his order from tequila to water and I stepped outside to go chat with friends thinking nothing more of the incident at the bar. Shortly after this the bar manager appeared. “Captain V are you feeling ok?” “Yesh I’m feelin’ fine!” “I think I’m going to have to ask you to leave” “Oh…Ok”.

I promptly turned, hugged a friend and in doing so transferred vomit from my person to hers, then left.

It was half ten.

On the way home I was refused a taxi then got stuck in a bush for some time before finally stripping off at my front door and walking through my house, naked, to go to bed.

Satan rewards my behaviour well though – I had no hangover in the morning.
(Fri 12th Dec 2008, 10:37, More)

» The worst sex I ever had

Park Bench
Around midnight, shagging my Mrs. on a bench in a park and waved at a couple walking past. Made the front page of our local newspaper a week later.

That sex has scarred me for life.
(Fri 15th Jun 2007, 11:31, More)
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