» IT Support

tenuous at best
One morning I realized that my internet and cable TV was down and having tried all possible fixes I decided it was time to give the Virgin helpline a call. I also wanted to know why my cable box had taken such an offensive disliking to me:


Turned out they were carrying out maintenance in my area and the problem was sorted shortly, but they couldn't tell me why my hardware became so rude!
(Tue 29th Sep 2009, 20:17, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

True Kindness (apologies for legnth in advance, this story defines my life)
In my gap year me and my best mate decided we'd spend two months hiking and camping and the Chilean Andes. We both slaved for 9 months to afford all the top notch equipment and spending money we would need, and were both sure it would be the trip of a lifetime.

Unfortunately however, some fucking cock of a bag hander at our stop-over in Madrid helped himself to my £360 heavy duty mountaineering tent along with various other goodies. Iberia airlines were total cunts about it, first giving us fake numbers to call, hanging up repeatedly when we found the right number and then refusing to honour our travel insurance.

We were stranded in a foreign land and culture with barely a word of Spanish between us and our plans absolutely shattered. However, what happened next completely restored my faith in humanity for ever.

1- Al the hostel staff did all they could to help us with Iberia airlines including the travel agent woman who spent at least 3 hours phoning various officials.

2- An Australian coupe who gave us a free tent (a summer beach tent but it did mean we got some camping done in good weather).

3- The Rivernos family. At a loss of what to do instead of mountaineering and hiking we were wandering the streets of Santiago at night and drinking heavily. At some point a Chilean woman stopped and asked us for a light. We got taking (me using the dictionary and what rudimentary spanish i'd learned in 3 days, she spoke no English).
2 days later we were living with them in a ghetto style area an hour out of Santiago. We walked the kids to school, went to the market with Lorena (the mum), drank into the night playing poker with Eduardo (the father) and had a beautiful friendship with the eldest daughter.
I have never met a family so welcoming, kind, trusting and wonderful. They had so little, and gave so much, and never asked for anything in return. It was like finding a soul-mate family. Of course we gave a lot back in friendship and love also, and I insisted on paying for all the food and groceries and lending money to Eduardo to catch the bus into work.
It's truly the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me.

I can still see Eduardo pounding his heart with his fist, telling us how he loved us as sons and we'd have a home there if ever we wanted it. I still remember crying my eyes out to Lorena about my parents separation. But what I remember most is how they offered us a home to live in within 20 minutes of meeting us, and how Eduardo welcomed us with open arms when we arrived out of the blue with his wife and daughter to live with them.
A toast to the Rivernos family of Puente Alto, Chile:
Paz, amor y amistad, para todos, para siempre.
(Sat 4th Oct 2008, 14:26, More)

» Anonymous

I used to enjoy
writing messages in black marker on rocks and then leaving them on beaches. Stuff like "made in china", "this is not a floatation device", or maybe some laundry instructions.

Hope they brought a smile to someones face.
(Wed 20th Jan 2010, 19:56, More)

» I witnessed a crime

There seem to be a lot of stories involving moronic muggers
So I thought I'd add my own.

Unfortunately i've had my fair share of run-ins with chavs in my area (the wonderful cultured ruin known as Watford), and i'm not exactly the type who can give them the beating they deserve and seem to be constantly on the lookout for. On the other hand I try to remain unphased when attacked and usually this does the job, as they're generally out for a fight or just trying to intimidate you into giving them free loot. Most of the time they give up when they realize you're not bothered, but one time in particular sticks in my mind.

He was an ugly motherfucker, and he had a few drunken girls in tow which seems to make them more violent as they want to look tough. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there as I had my mums video camera in my bag, and she didn't know I had taken it, so i'd have been in the shit if I had lost it.

So when he started pushing me around and requesting said bag, I just told him to fuck off back to wherever he had crawled from and walked away, int he hope he'd take his prompt.

Instead, he caught up to me, and spat words to the effect that he was offering me some free facial reconstruction for my efforts.

Then he headbutted me.

Now i'm no expert, but in my experience the correct way to headbutt someone is not to forcably apply your nose to the victims forehead, but this, dear readers, is what he did. The next thing I know he was writhing around while I shrugged and again tried to walk away, and his bitches staggered about yelling "Fucking twat 'im gary".

So the chump swung at me blearily, not wanting to let his hoes down in the heat of the moment, and caught me full on in the mouth.

It didn't hurt but I had a strong taste of blood and thought i'd seen enough for the night, so I pushed him away (again he seemed to be writhing in agony) and did a runner.

When I got home, I checked and found I was completely unscathed, and then realized that the blood was not mine.

I have a full brace.

What a fucking prick. Hope it hurt.
(Tue 19th Feb 2008, 20:15, More)

» I witnessed a crime

all these drugs stories
I was recently traveling by train from Birmingham to Swansea, a trip that requires a stop-over in Shrewsbury to change trains. On the first leg of the journey, the conductor mentioned that my next train had been canceled and i'd have a long wait. No problem, thought I, so I popped into the train loo to skin up a few splifties to see me over the break.

Upon arrival at shrewsbury I looked about for a nice place near the station for a smoke. There was, nearby, a big building with a few benches outside and lovely views over the river, from were I could still hear the train announcements over the tannoy. Perfect.

So i'm having a lovely smoke, its good stuff if a little over pungent but i'm thinking, in this day and age no one really cares right?

I'm snapped out of this reverie by a police van which pulls up right in front of me and empties a load of armed policemen... oh shit...

but they walk straight past me, and as i watch, enter the FUCKING PRISON who's walls I have been leaning against.

Ooops. Maybe I should be more observant.
(Wed 20th Feb 2008, 16:22, More)