» Going Too Far

The Bud.........
Ok, here is my story of my “mates” going too far.

A little while ago, whilst at a small house party I had become intoxicated with copious amounts of spirits my friends decided that it would be a good idea to do a DIY wax job on my arse crack (because I often complained about it being too hairy).

Well, normally I would have declined this offer and not let anyone near my arse with a wax strip. However, the large amounts of alcohol that I had drunk meant that my resilience to stupid ideas was down at about -5.

Cue 5 minutes later and my best friend (a girl) has a hot pot of wax and has me bending over her bed (as if I was going to get bummed) spreading that crap all around my chocolate starfish with some weird wooden spatula thing.

Anyway, I had enough sense to make everyone else leave the room as I thought I would retain SOME of my dignity in all this. How wrong I was. Next thing I remember is something cold being rammed up my arsehole! I stand up in shock, wondering what the hell it was and turn around only to be greeted by ALL of my friends, standing there, wetting themselves laughing. Oh, and they were all filming the ordeal with camera phones. I also catch a glimpse of another of my friends, bolting to the door having dropped the Budwieser bottle he used to violate me.

As if all that wasn’t bad enough, I soon realised that there was still a lot of wax on my arse cheeks and it had now become stuck together where I had stood up. Panic quickly set in and I bent over in a hurry only to be greeted by the most excruciating pain! Alcohol numbs pain, but god I felt it.

That was the night my friends went too far.


Needless to say I got my own back on my friend later in the evening by tricking him into drinking out the shite-covered bottle he had violated me with.

I woke in the morning with a sore but ever-so-smooth bottom and magic marker art all over my body courtesy of my “mates.”

Cheers guys!


*Waves good-bye to post virginity as it sails away into the horizon on the virginity ship……*

No apologies for length, my other half loves it, so can you!
(Tue 14th Nov 2006, 14:44, More)

» Spoooky Coincidence

Xbox Live
Playing on Xbox Live (as you do) I ended up chatting to a random person in the game lobby. Usual chit-chat ensues and I ask him where he is from. "Dartford" he replies, "but I used to live in Croydon." Suprised, I inform him that I used to live in Croydon also. "Yeh, I used to live in some crappy little village called New Addington." Now I am in disbelief as I that is where I used to live in my younger years!!

It also turns out that we went to the same High School, but at different times (he was a fair bit older) but we still knew some of the same teachers. I then asked him where he lived in New Addington and told him where I lived. He knew my road (rather well) and asked if I knew someone called Barry who used to live there. Barry not only lived dead opposite my house, but he worked with my dad (when he wasn't doing time) as well. He then asked if I knew that guy "Terry, who killed his girlfriend." Sadly I did know who Terry was - He killed my best friend's mum (who lived 2 doors down from me) and is currently doing time in Belmarsh prison.

He then told me that his mates girlfriend's nan moved into my old house recently - I was skeptical at first, until he describled the little porch on the front of the house (which my dad built) without me saying a word.

Spoooky!

It is a small world indeed!.......
(Fri 9th Feb 2007, 9:17, More)