Profile for pokey_little_puppy:
22, owner of many handbags, currently living in the REAL capital of Tasmania, Launceston.
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22, owner of many handbags, currently living in the REAL capital of Tasmania, Launceston.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Housemates from hell
Never live with vampires (or stoners), they won't share the food bills.
A few years before I met my current housemate/boyfriend-until-the-scrooge-buys-me-a-ring (Mr. PLP), I lived with a couple of stoners. One of them was definitely worth a mention.
A few of the choice things he did/said.
* Told us he was a vampire. Except he was a higher order of vampire - a Vampyre (pronounced, according to the stupid tard, as vam-peer).
* Told us he needn't buy food as he can live off sausage blood. Demonstrated this to us by drinking the foul liquid out of the bottom of a bag of beef sausages.
* Made his own home-made milkshake containing milk and raspberry cordial. Do you known what happens when you mix milk with something containing so much food acid? Try it and see! (spoiler below*)
* Made his own cordial by pouring hot water into an almost empty jar of strawberry jam. Result? Pretty much what you'd expect, hot, watery jam.
* Decided he'd help with some cleaning. Washed the wallpaper with hot, soapy water.
* Refused to admit he'd caused the wallpaper to peel off the walls in hot, soggy strips.
* He'd use hair-remover cream to get rid of his nasty back hair and leave the cream/back hair combo all over the sink.
* On the rare occasion when he did buy food it consisted of: one 20kg bag of rice, two packets of frozen mixed vegetables, twelve eggs and a roll of lunch meat. Just in case anyone out there is writing a book on Vampyre lore, let me share this with you: Vampyres just LOVE fried rice. It's pretty much all they eat.
What did I learn from the 12 months I endured in that house? NEVER live with Vampyres, they're filthy bastards.
*It curdles the milk resulting in a rancid pink, lumpy mess.
(Tue 10th Apr 2007, 9:00, More)
Never live with vampires (or stoners), they won't share the food bills.
A few years before I met my current housemate/boyfriend-until-the-scrooge-buys-me-a-ring (Mr. PLP), I lived with a couple of stoners. One of them was definitely worth a mention.
A few of the choice things he did/said.
* Told us he was a vampire. Except he was a higher order of vampire - a Vampyre (pronounced, according to the stupid tard, as vam-peer).
* Told us he needn't buy food as he can live off sausage blood. Demonstrated this to us by drinking the foul liquid out of the bottom of a bag of beef sausages.
* Made his own home-made milkshake containing milk and raspberry cordial. Do you known what happens when you mix milk with something containing so much food acid? Try it and see! (spoiler below*)
* Made his own cordial by pouring hot water into an almost empty jar of strawberry jam. Result? Pretty much what you'd expect, hot, watery jam.
* Decided he'd help with some cleaning. Washed the wallpaper with hot, soapy water.
* Refused to admit he'd caused the wallpaper to peel off the walls in hot, soggy strips.
* He'd use hair-remover cream to get rid of his nasty back hair and leave the cream/back hair combo all over the sink.
* On the rare occasion when he did buy food it consisted of: one 20kg bag of rice, two packets of frozen mixed vegetables, twelve eggs and a roll of lunch meat. Just in case anyone out there is writing a book on Vampyre lore, let me share this with you: Vampyres just LOVE fried rice. It's pretty much all they eat.
What did I learn from the 12 months I endured in that house? NEVER live with Vampyres, they're filthy bastards.
*It curdles the milk resulting in a rancid pink, lumpy mess.
(Tue 10th Apr 2007, 9:00, More)
» Childhood Ambitions
It probably would never have worked out anyway
Back when I was about 8, I wanted to be Michael Jackson's wife.
I am so, so ashamed of that now.
(Sat 31st Mar 2007, 12:59, More)
It probably would never have worked out anyway
Back when I was about 8, I wanted to be Michael Jackson's wife.
I am so, so ashamed of that now.
(Sat 31st Mar 2007, 12:59, More)
» Personal Hygiene
Sniffs
A friend of mine (who shall be referred to as "Sarah Morrison" because there's no way in hell she'll ever see this.) has an interesting idea of what personal hygiene is. She's one of those many females who spend hours (and I mean that literally) applying make-up, doing hair and picking out clothes before she goes out drinking. Her problem, however, is it apparently has never occured to her to actually shower.
Or wash the clothes she wears.
For example, she turns up at the Pokey Little Puppy residence wearing an outfit that'd offend a hooker, approximately 5 kilos of make-up balanced on her face and hair dyed and styled to the point you can hear it screaming, yet she lifts her arm to revel armpits that look like they haven't seen a razor in years and a smell not unlike what I'd imagine Chewbacca would smell like after a marathon sex session involving Rosie O'Donnell and a bin full of rotting skunks. Nasty.
And, as Mr. Pokey Little Puppy pointed out, you can smell her from at least 2 metres.
Gotta feel a bit sorry for her boyfriend, I've heard (many, many times, mostly from her) that she's really into oral (recieving, NOT giving). I can't even begin to imagine what he has to face down there....
(And if she does ever see this I'd like to add something else: Do not come over to my house in microshorts and a tube top when you know my CHRISTIAN mother in-law will be there. Not fcuking ok. The woman has a nose like a bloodhound and is more god-botheringly uptight than Pat Robertson. You offend her in every possible sense of the word.)
Length? I'd say those armpit hairs would be at least 3cm long.
(Mon 26th Mar 2007, 6:05, More)
Sniffs
A friend of mine (who shall be referred to as "Sarah Morrison" because there's no way in hell she'll ever see this.) has an interesting idea of what personal hygiene is. She's one of those many females who spend hours (and I mean that literally) applying make-up, doing hair and picking out clothes before she goes out drinking. Her problem, however, is it apparently has never occured to her to actually shower.
Or wash the clothes she wears.
For example, she turns up at the Pokey Little Puppy residence wearing an outfit that'd offend a hooker, approximately 5 kilos of make-up balanced on her face and hair dyed and styled to the point you can hear it screaming, yet she lifts her arm to revel armpits that look like they haven't seen a razor in years and a smell not unlike what I'd imagine Chewbacca would smell like after a marathon sex session involving Rosie O'Donnell and a bin full of rotting skunks. Nasty.
And, as Mr. Pokey Little Puppy pointed out, you can smell her from at least 2 metres.
Gotta feel a bit sorry for her boyfriend, I've heard (many, many times, mostly from her) that she's really into oral (recieving, NOT giving). I can't even begin to imagine what he has to face down there....
(And if she does ever see this I'd like to add something else: Do not come over to my house in microshorts and a tube top when you know my CHRISTIAN mother in-law will be there. Not fcuking ok. The woman has a nose like a bloodhound and is more god-botheringly uptight than Pat Robertson. You offend her in every possible sense of the word.)
Length? I'd say those armpit hairs would be at least 3cm long.
(Mon 26th Mar 2007, 6:05, More)
» Beautiful but Bonkers
The Pokey Little Pornstar
Sex tapes are generally a bad idea. Especially when your ex won't return/destroy them and his current girlfriend (who happens to be a complete nutter who probably spends at least twelve hours a day plotting your demise) has access to them.
At least if she does Rick Saloman me it won't be all bad, I'm still 20kg thinner, 1000X more attractive and 11 years younger than her. Not looking like the arse-end of an elderly hippo is all the revenge I could ever want.
(Wed 22nd Nov 2006, 3:19, More)
The Pokey Little Pornstar
Sex tapes are generally a bad idea. Especially when your ex won't return/destroy them and his current girlfriend (who happens to be a complete nutter who probably spends at least twelve hours a day plotting your demise) has access to them.
At least if she does Rick Saloman me it won't be all bad, I'm still 20kg thinner, 1000X more attractive and 11 years younger than her. Not looking like the arse-end of an elderly hippo is all the revenge I could ever want.
(Wed 22nd Nov 2006, 3:19, More)
» Picky Eaters
baby things
Baby corn. It's almost as wrong as eating baby cows. And vegemite. I'll probably be savaged by my fellow New USA (Australia) inhabitants for saying this, but vegemite looks and smells like something that's been scraped out of the bottom of a compost bin.
(Wed 7th Mar 2007, 5:10, More)
baby things
Baby corn. It's almost as wrong as eating baby cows. And vegemite. I'll probably be savaged by my fellow New USA (Australia) inhabitants for saying this, but vegemite looks and smells like something that's been scraped out of the bottom of a compost bin.
(Wed 7th Mar 2007, 5:10, More)