» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

I once fell asleep..
in an emu/ostrich farm god knows what they were but they were pecking the shit out of the back of my head
(Thu 4th Jan 2007, 13:56, More)

» Picky Eaters

One time I got drunk...
I blew chunks.
Now i just simply cannot stomach dog cum
(Sat 3rd Mar 2007, 20:14, More)

» Real-life slapstick

the 'ardest souh westener i ever did see..
I almost saw a friend of mine die in front of my eyes for a piece of chicken and a bottle of white cider. Pissed up and outside Slix chicken bristol my mate drops his drumstick can of cider in hand, makes a leap of faith into the road to follow a piece of chicken that slipped out of his hand and into the road, bellyflops into the middle of the road grabbing said drumstick cider without a drop spilled turns to see a car skidding which stops centemteres from mates head. Mate ompletely downplays stroy everytime, anyone in bristol knows slix chicken ain't to die for.
(Sun 24th Jan 2010, 22:59, More)

» Ripped Off

Right so...
Move into my new flat near an upmarket area of Bristol, with lots of female students to look at(University students btw) , with my bro. My brother actually stole the widescreen tv from his last habitat which is nice.

Anyway I want to get broadband and hours of searching the deals ith other peoples WiFi i think Pipex is for me. so

Next day.. oh whats this talk talk is doing a better deal well okay pipex says you can cancel within seven days with no charge so i cancel and go to talk talk with inclusive phone line.

1 1/2 months later
talk talk comes through but by this time im with Tiscali who i highly recommend, very efficient, and ive spent hours trying to talk to talk talk and 50 quid listening to fucking Thunderclap Newman teling me we've got to get it together. yes talk talk get it to fucking gether.

Anyway just got a couple of letters in the post from solicitors from both Pipex and Talk Talk saying their taking me to court (yeah right im not a home owner so why bother i thinks) even though i told them quit numerous times.

What really pissed me off is asking to see the direct debits out of my account and im signed up to three fucking broadband companies. Now talk talk are stopping BT from taking over the phone line by keeping open but not allowing any inoming or outgoing call, blackmailing bastards.

whoa im glad i got that out. bastards
(Fri 16th Feb 2007, 0:58, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

psychiatric staff are more mentl than the patients
right so i work in a psychiatric hospital and have been and been the precurser to many üeurile and childish practical jokes. okay so..

1$ having a fag after doing the observation rounds nurse beckons me over to the office gesturing like it was a matter of emergancy. when i get to office the nurse in charge is laying on the floor paperwork and computer equipment everywhere i immediately shit myself thinking she has just been assaulted or passed out with a serious medical condition and run over to her (i dontknow cpr) said nurse gets up and laughs at me. not funny.

2 patient is waiting in the lobby for a phone call on his mobile (patients interned in hospital cant have access to their phones as most phones have cameras and most patients tend to phone the police despite being on section) colleague of mine grabs his file phones his mobile sticks on a somali accent (somali patient= cue convo:

ay ello is dis '''''
'''' yeh
do yooo reme,ba meee ay?
no mate
It is mahommed jefaaar, ay
ay i av bin lukin ol ova for yoooooo, i have been lookin all ova the worl for yooooo. wear arrr u !!!! ay?
mate im inhospital at the moment. """""""""(name of hospital)
ay what is dis """""" y rrr u hospital, yarrr ay so rememba what about mymonies ay, i want my monies ay .
cue patient shitting himself.
look man dont know who the fuck you are.
mate jumped up revealing himself patient took it in good humour.

childish behaviours i maintain?

I alwazs say your a poet just dont know it whenever somebody accidently makes a rhyme.

I always say good morning to my toaster just in case it talks to me ala red dwarf.

before reaching for the remote i will always check too see if ive developed jedi powers

when i wake up i will aways check if i have jedi powers

when im hungover i always revert to a child like state with comlete dsinhibition i dance in the supermarket say hello too all the produce and dance in the street wherever there is music.

oh yeah do you know krisna guru murphy still checks for monsters unser his bed before he can sleep? how cute
(Fri 18th Sep 2009, 23:31, More)