» Terrible Parenting

Wobbly Teeth
As a small child, the systematic process of ones baby teeth becoming wobbly then dropping out was weird and often financially rewarding (rich Grandmother 'Tooth-fairy')..... So when one canine tooth was being particularly stubborn and hanging in there on a thick strand of root, good old dad suggests I do it 'like we used to' and tie a piece of string from the tooth to the door knob and then slam the door. Of course this sounded ok, Dad would never allow his only son to suffer right? So there i was, struggling to tie a knot around a tooth when Dad helped and secured the door end also.... Then he steps back and tells me to slam that door. This I do...... The spiteful Cnut had tied the string around the loose tooth and a perfectly healthy one that came popping loose with a spray of blood and great scream of pain. It also caused me to stumble forward and knock myself senseless on the door handle.

My enduring memory is not the pain, but the sight of my dad, rolling around on the floor and saying that even he didnt fall for that one when he was a boy.... God I cant wait until I got a son.
(Sun 19th Aug 2007, 9:44, More)

» School Trips

Well and truelly stitched up....
In my last year of junior school we were taken to the lake district to see the glorious scenery (a bunch of 10 year olds!!). The 'highlight' of this little jolly was a tour of William Wordsworth's house (again, what the feck, we were 10). On this particular day i was not in the mood for my cheap slimy school cheese sandwiches in a bag with my name on it, and threw them in a bin in the car park.... some total toerag then took the plastic bag from the bin and proceded to take a long yellow piss into it before leaving it on the step of the bus. upon returning from the most boring tour of my life i was hauled up in front of the whole coach by the teachers and given a huge bollocking before being made to carry a bag of someone elses piss back to the hostel where i was made to apologise to the woman who made the sandwiches in the first place. Well fucking stitched up. Bastards.
(Sun 10th Dec 2006, 14:56, More)

» Childhood Ambitions

Not the geatest ambition
When I was about 9 my teacher asked us what we all wanted to be when we grew up, the usual round of Policemen, nurses, train drivers, models and astronauts responded.... I said i wanted to be a pig-farmer because everyone likes bacon right?

Another trip to school psychologist.
(Tue 3rd Apr 2007, 19:51, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Mosside wit
Yeas ago, before the urban regeneration that replaced the concrete flats of Hulme and Mosside with brick terraces, an overpass had written on one side;
"Free Viraj Mendez"

and hilariously the other side was daubed with:

"With 300 Tiger Tokens"

Many a miserable morning was improved passing under that on the number 8 bus.

Met the singer from M-people on that bus too.
(Fri 4th May 2007, 20:06, More)