» Have you ever seen a dead body?

Being on the Fire Department...
I've seen a few bodies. As they say, you never forget your first.

We were toned out for a MVA (Motor Vehicle Accident) with entrapment. We pulled up on scene to a paramedic telling us, "It's pretty gruesome boys. The girl's in bad shape and the gentleman is dead."

Apparently this gentleman had decided a high speed joyride without a seatbelt and fueled by gin was a fantastic way to spend a tuesday evening. He was ejected from the vehicle. Well, at least his head was.

Instant decapitation.

It could be that he was a year behind me in school, it could be that I had shared a conversation or two with him, but I'll never forget that night.

Come to think of it, it was probably when my captain turned to me without missing a beat and said, "We can rebuild him, we have the technology."

I'll show myself out...
(Thu 28th Feb 2008, 20:36, More)

» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

one time in high school
I managed to fall asleep in class during a presentation on sexual assault.

I was promptly awakened by the sound of my head hitting the desk. everyone around me began to chuckle and we all got shouted at by the school's headmaster (me in particular) for making light of sexual assault.

It's not that I found sexual assault funny, I just saw it as quite fucking boring.
(Mon 1st Jan 2007, 6:11, More)

» Body Mods

ahh high school
A pal of mine in high school decided a snow day was a wonderful occasion to have his penis pierced. so when we were back in school the next day, i was greeted with a, "hey pokey guess what i got pierced *glances down, then at me, then down again*" "oh god no" "yeah I did."

He sat in front of me in my broadcasting class and wouldn't shut up about his, ahem, piercing. the bell rang for lunch and he quickly stood up to leave and his face went bright red and he turned to me with a very meek, "caught...in...the...zipper."

At this point I laughed and walked out leaving him and the rather amused teacher.

Also, a quick tip on body mods, don't ever agree to pierce your friend's nipple if he's about 8 inches taller and is about 75 pounds of muscle heavier than you. Especially if he has a short temper.
(Wed 6th Dec 2006, 4:09, More)

» Conspiracy theory nutters

There's a fine line between stupid and crazy.
I was sitting in a pub, as I suppose most of these stories start.
There was a gentleman (see: nutter) sitting a few over speaking to a lovely (if not the brightest) young lady.
He was lecturing her on the evils of terrorism when suddenly I hear, "They did a study you know. Every terrorist attack of the past 50 years was done by someone of Middle Eastern Descent." All the while this young lady blankly stared and nodded her head.
When he directed an "Am I right?" towards me, I responded with, "What about the unibomber? Ted Kaczynski?" I received a bulletproof, "Well, that's if you believe he did it."

After pointing out Timothy McVeigh and the Oklahoma City Federal Building, I heard an answer that made me reconsider my placement in this pub.

The statement that crossed the line between stupid and crazy?

"That wasn't terrorism. That was the act of a patriot."

I raise my glass to you, Conspiracy Theory Nutter, for making my pub time far more interesting.
(Wed 2nd Sep 2009, 0:22, More)

» Ripped Off

in high school
I sold a guy catnip under the pretext it was a "Controlled substance" he smoked it right in front of me.

idiot.

also bail is such a rip.
(Thu 15th Feb 2007, 17:01, More)