b3ta.com user arsefez
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Very very tired

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» Dates Gone Wrong

So back in the day when still living with parents I secured an empty house and invited a young (no not yewtree) lady around to see my (delete as appropriate - stamp collection, puppy, cock).

As I was about to 'tuck in' I remembered that my dad had asked me to record something on telly.

So I excused myself, saying 'sorry just have to set the video'... on my return she'd done a runner!!!

Turns out later she thought I was going to video our sexy beeezneez!

I mean really it was the eighties - you'd have noticed a giant camera and a top loading frikin betamax in the the room......
(Thu 4th Sep 2014, 14:59, More)

» Public Nudity

Free Pizza
Used to own a ground floor flat with a huge bay window. The window looked onto a few parking spaces and then a hedge which blocked people on the road from seeing in. As most of the other folks living in the flats were home and parked of an evening Mrs arsefez and I thought nothing of wandering past our window in various states of undress.

Of a Thursday we generally ordered a pizza from our local Dominos (other pizza chains also available). As we ordered regularly we assumed that faster delivery and free sides etc were merely a 'thank you for eating so much pizza fatso' gift....

Turned out when a mate of mine got a job there, that whenever a certain address ordered pizza of a Thursday there was a race to deliver because the woman that lived there was always wondering around topless.

Told the wife... brief embarrassment followed... then she smiled and said 'free pizza bargain!'

That was 10 years ago...

Looking at her now, should've put a stop to it. The only thing she or I get free now are weight watchers leaflets!!!
(Thu 17th Jul 2014, 15:31, More)

» Messing with people's heads

As well as having chronic SMS (short man syndrome) my old boss was paraniod about losing his hair.

A bunch of us used to stand near him and stare at the top of his head until he noticed panicked and ran off to look in a mirror....... we did this everyday for months. In the end he had time off for "stress"... I'd feel bad but he was a git.
(Thu 12th Jan 2012, 11:46, More)

» Misheard and Misunderstood

When in America...
I stepped outside to smoke a fag.
(Tue 2nd Sep 2014, 19:43, More)

» Misheard and Misunderstood

Watching Man vs Food
and the bloke on the show battling his way through 7lbs worth of burger... Wife pipes up and says "£7 that's cheap for all that food"
(Mon 1st Sep 2014, 13:53, More)
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