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» Work Experience

Mine was fine...except for the people.
I did my work experience at the solicitor's office right next door to my house, mainly because I was just too lazy to bother getting up earlier than half 8.

While I wasn't staring at the secretary's breasts or skiving off into town to meet my friends (not that much of a plus, the town being Scunthorpe), one of the junior solicitors used to get me to look at certain cases from the sides of the defendant and the prosecution, and then write a couple of pages on who should win the case and why.

Eager to please, I did my utmost to impress him through my work, spending half a day reading up on the case then using the rest of my time to argue my case on paper.

After doing this about three or four times, I finally realised that this exercise was merely to get me out of his hair, and that he never read my work. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw my latest effort in his bin only minuted after it had been given to him.

Being the cunning and vengeful little so and so I was, I started to slip in words such as 'poo' and 'bum-bum' in random places in my work, which developed into me including 'You Mr *********, are a massive fucking cunt.' in my final piece.

Unfortunately as it was my second to last day, one of the partners in the firm had decided to check up on how I was doing, and proceeded to read my final case argument before I had a chance to hand it in to the junior solicitor.

I left in disgrace (although smiling), and after taking one last look at the secratary's fine pair of knockers, almost skipped home knowing that I had just got myself a three day weekend.

Apologies for length, it's my first time and I'm excited...
(Thu 10th May 2007, 13:42, More)

» Being told off as an adult

This takes me back...a year....
After one particularly messy night out in my first year at university, we decided to visit a nearby hall of residence and have some fun. Spying an open door, I preceded to run through it, undo my jeans and to piss freely around the corridoor, laughing to myself manically.

All was well until a door I was covering with wee opened, and the female occupant began to scream. Shitting myself, I ran out of the door with my tackle out, praying the girl in question didn't recognise me.

Apparently, hall wardens don't like being disturbed at 4 in the morning to be asked to identify which student has been caught on CCTV urinating like a good 'un over anything within a five-foot radius of himself.
(Wed 26th Sep 2007, 23:24, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

Torch + Jack Russell = FUN.

Don't know if its bindun, but I'll do it anyway.

One evening a light bulb in our front room blew, which automatically cut out the other lights as well. While waiting for someone to go and flick the switches in the fusebox, I started fucking about with a torch we were using, when I noticed our Jack Russell, Rocky, was watching the spot of light intently.

He soon got up out of his basket and began to follow the light across the carpet as I moved it, and I soon realised that he hadn't got a clue what it was, but was highly interested in following it wherever it went.

Cue me moving the torchlight across the floor as fast as I could, with Rocky flying after it at full speed, right into the settee that he hadn't had time to see before he hit it.

To be honest I think he loves it, he still follows the light round, and if anything the bump to his head knocked a bit of sense into him...
(Thu 13th Dec 2007, 0:10, More)

» Personal Ads

Is how I feel right now.

Below the top 100 on HoN is a glass ceiling designed specifically to keep me out of it, and I can only gaze upon the top 10 with admiration. You beautiful b3tan bastards!

On topic, while slighty drunk after another unsuccessful night out in town, I did once join one of many disreputable dating/swinging/get an easy shag off a 30 stone Doncaster housewife in a fit of desperation.

I still get emails to 'badboy_stud', and my inbox has never recovered from the spam.

The shame....

edit - rate my baby face. Linky.
(Tue 18th Sep 2007, 23:14, More)