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» Workplace Boredom

Quite a few...
I used to work as a checkout supervisor, and at nights this would often mean I was the 2nd-highest ranking person in the place, below the duty manager. As work was ridiculously quiet at night, a lot of new workplace games were invented.

Store Olympics was a great one. We did high jump over the racks of baskets, shot put with the old produce test fruit, trolley drifting down the aisles and sort of hurdle-vaults over the checkouts. However, this was put an end to after our reigning champion collided with a customer during trolley-drifting. Took some explaining!

The intercom was also a source of great amusement. We would communicate storewide with this thing: "Michael, can you please get your lazy arse back to checkouts, you've been up there 25 minutes and I don't want to know what you're doing!" We would also sing songs and announce our birthdays.

I think the best game, though, was "safari". The building was about 45 years old and seemingly hadn't been checked on in that time - the ceiling was falling in in places. (small wonder the place closed down last year!) There were a lot of hidey-holes (perfect for Power Cut Hide'n'Seek) and we would devote most of our "dead time" to discovering more of these! The best one was a small cubby-hole in the roof above the bakery, in which there was a spy-hole through which I could observe the entire store. Great fun.

Then of course there were the old standards - making customers feel as stupid as possible, trying to convince the deli-boy to give us free ham, catching and ridiculing shoplifters, and when a celebration was called for, ordering pizza and offering to customers because "it's so-and-so's birthday today!"

I miss my job. I'm surprised I wasn't fired - in fact, I received a number of Customer Service awards, and was always praised for my efficiency and friendliness! People are gullible indeed.
(Thu 8th Jan 2009, 22:19, More)

» Why should you be fired from your job?

Technically, nothing at all.
I'm a checkout supervisor at a well-known supermarket. I'm always on time, I have the highest productivity out of anyone and, if I say so myself, I'm pretty bloody spiffing at doing my job.

Alas, just one small problem.

Recently I've developed a less-than-professional relationship with my manager. On my usual shifts, I have a 15 minute break, and I get to go up to the cash office with him twice in a shift. All three of these times away from checkouts turn into brief yet frantic trysts, as we discover all the places in the store which are comfy, cleanish and don't have security cameras, and my usually short breaks develop into half-hours. Now, this is all very well and fun, but of course, EVERYBODY knows. This is ok, since everyone on the team is pretty friendly and relaxed, and figure if we're not banging away on a checkout it's not a problem.

That is, everyone exept our new store manager, Pete. This man is the biggest arse you will EVER hope to meet, however he is also BLISSFULLY ignorant!! As of Tuesday, Manager and I had been engaging in our less than professional practices for at least a month. I heard that Pete ONLY found out about us the previous day! "Oh shite," thinks I, "we'll be fired for sure!" But he has not said a word!!! Hooray! So I shall continue to take advantage of this fact, and have changed my view of him from a complete wanker to simply an ignorant, incompetant fool. Yay!

Length? That's between me, manager and most of the store, thanks!
(Fri 10th Aug 2007, 8:05, More)

» Workplace Boredom

You may not pass!
Lots of file-filled boxes + boredom = this.
They were originally stacked up all the way around our office, with only a tiny gap to get in. Then we made them into a "great wall"...



That was built right in front of the lifts too! People coming up got a shock.
(Sat 10th Jan 2009, 4:00, More)

» Pet Peeves

Right, this is a huge rant of mine, so just bear with me. I'm 17 and a checkout supervisor at my local supermarket. In the year-and-a-bit that I've been working there, I have come to the conclusion that ALL customers have an IQ of about 12. They have to be some of the most inane cunts of this planet. Here are some examples...

- Just because the express checkout is named as such, all fucking TWENTY of you lining up there at once, when there are, in fact, THREE large checkouts open and free, is not going to make it very fast, is it? So coming up to me when you FINALLY get to the front of the line and remarking "goodness, what a long wait" is NOT going to earn you any sympathy from me. DO NOT use the express checkout!

- We have a discount card called a OneCard. You must swipe this card before you can find out the total price of your order. So, of course, I ask "Have you a OneCard today?" Customer swipes their card. I say, "That'll be $15.95 thank you". Them: "Did the OneCard go through??" Would I be telling you the price if it hadn't? Surely I would ask you to swipe the card again??

- On a similar note, there is a very clear diagram of which way around your card is supposed to be swiped. Use your eyes, you fucking twats.

- If you did not require a trolley when you came in, you do not require one on the way out. Taking the trolley off the end of my checkout will NOT earn you any happy smiles from me.

- At the bulk buy section, there is a lovely little sign which tells you to take a plastic seal and clearly write the 4-digit number on the seal, and attach it to the bag. So WHY must you come up to the checkouts with NO SEAL ON THE BAG? How thick are you??

- If you come up to me and ask me how much something costs, I will have to go and price-check it. I do not memorise the price of every product in the store, so don't you go sighing at me!

- If you are on your mobile phone at checkouts, I will still talk to you. Loudly. "HI! HOW ARE YOU TODAY? HAVE YOU A ONECARD?" Checkout operators are people too. A mere "Hello" would be appreciated.

- If you put your items on the conveyer in a higgledy-piggledy order, it will be packed as such. If you put your bread/eggs on first, don't complain to me when I squash it.

- Just because I work at a supermarket does NOT make me a moron. I am 17, do you really expect me to be a brain surgeon? Treat me with some respect please.

- Keep your children away from me. I do not want their revolting, grubby hands all over my checkout. And your kid is not cute, it looks just the same as every other snot-nosed, dribbly little spawn of Satan in the world, so fuck off.

Having said that, if you are friendly and courteous, you will be treated very well by me. I will go out of my way to help you if you are polite, and will engage in friendly conversation with you. Being a good customer really does get you a long way! The cliche "treat others how you would like to be treated" actually does apply with me. So bear that in mind next time you visit your local supermarket!

Length, etc...you love it.
(Fri 2nd May 2008, 8:07, More)

» Customers from Hell

Pot plants.
I work as a part-time checkout supervisor at my local supermarket. As with any job in the service industry, I have had my fair share of wanky, obnoxious, drunk and sleazy customers. As well as the one who wet himself at my checkout. And yes, the customer is nearly ALWAYS wrong. However, I digress. This story is of the day I lost faith in the human race.

It was a typical quiet Tuesday night, and I was just about to head off to take my break. A large, aggressive-looking woman (who looked suspiciously beardy...) comes storming up to my checkout holding a pot-plant. I scan it for her and ask her if she would like a plastic bag. She then proceeds to inform me that
"This is a gift, I would like to get it gift wrapped!"
I raise my eyebrows and explain that we are a supermarket chain and we do not specialize in wrapping up pot plants in pretty paper. I suggests she visits the nearby gift store if she expects this sort of treatment.

"Well, that's just NOT good enough!! I want to see your SUPERVISOR!"

I duly inform her that I am in fact the supervisor. I ask if she would like to speak to our store manager, who was nearby. She declines and proceeds to talk at me for HOURS about how

"they should train you better, you need to be prepared to meet the needs to EVERY customer", blah blah blah.

By now I am getting VERY hungry and rather irritable. I burst out with:

"You appear to enjoy the sound of your own voice very much, but if you would just listen to ME for a moment...we are a SUP-ER-MAR-KET. I don't know where you usually shop, and what amazing gift-wrapping checkout operators you've been talking to, but we will NEVER wrap up your pot plant. I have some newspaper under my checkout. Would you like me to wrap your plant in NEWSPAPER? No? Then GO TO A GIFT SHOP."

She proceeds to slam the pot plant down on my checkout and storm out. Score: $5 of hers wasted, and I sold myself the pot plant for 50c later. It died three days later.

Moral? Do NOT fuck with a hungry supervisor. Ever.
(Wed 10th Sep 2008, 11:00, More)
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